Yes, I’m currently in a period of high vibration which I have given the name of ‘Ascension Peak’ to this phenomenon. And what what always happens is my deep unconscious ‘soul’ programming always gets triggered in such scenarios. I affectionately call this my ‘head-trip’, but I think a better name for it would be “My Story”. Next, these old thoughts take over and I become that story. The article I wrote yesterday, came out of my story. I have not decided yet, if I should delete it or not — it might be good to save as an example of how extreme it can get…. I’ve tripped in my story several times over the years in ‘ascension peaks’. With hindsight and on a positive note, each repetition does seem to last less time, I don’t get sucked into it as strong and I am able to pull myself out of it sooner. From these experiences I’ve made several basic observations:
1. Eventually, I will feel like my energy is being consumed. I quit doing things I would normally do in life and for myself. I stop doing my meditation and the soul-chatter totally takes over. My total focus and all my energy goes into the My Story. I feel strong compulsion to write articles and say and do things I would not normally do, which all reinforces My Story.
2. I start to see every thing and every being which was normal before, now as either good or evil. Talk about being in a state of DUALITY! If it agrees with how I see the world, then it is good and if not then it’s evil.
3. I feel a compulsion to edit or change all my articles and information I promote, to delete anything which does not fit ‘My Stories’ interpretation of being Good and to delete all that which now appears Evil.
4. When I start taking those kinds of actions and filtering who I will talk to and not, the next is I get the feeling I will get attacked by all those ‘evil’ ones that don’t see the world how I do. They will try to delete me to shut me up. And the strange part is it usually does play out that exactly htings like this happen when I take those steps. In truth, we create our own reality.
Every time, it always plays out in this basic order as well the programmed details of ‘My Story’. I have similar happenings, meet similar people and have similar experiences. Having been through it enough times now, what I know for sure is “I AM REPEATING” and I know what will happen next, because it is a PROGRAM and I’ve walked this road before!
When I compare my life before this happens and while it happens, I see a huge difference. Before it happens, I am very happy and joyful, delighted to be alive and enjoying the vivid scenery and insights, I could sit on a park bench all day long and just stream energy… But right after that beautiful interlude, this soul-chatter starts up. Now I see these things are related. Because my meditation has been effective, my vibration and awareness level is rising, which puts me into another dimension, more sensitive to pick up higher vibrations that normally are not visible. First I see the beauty in the outer world and next that which I have not yet cleared up comes into conscious awareness which is my unconscious programming which could be understood to be one’s collective or soul memories.
When ‘My Story’ takes over, I feel like I need to put all my energy into saving the world and I have no choice over what to do in my life. The more the programming takes over, the blinder I get and in every interaction I have with people and life, the synchronicity seems to run at very high level where everything that happens I can perfectly fit into ‘My Story’ as one ‘Big Story’. Net effect, the inside world and the outside world are identical. I can only see MY STORY — and that is the biggest blinder of all!
Needing some help from my recently departed teacher, who thankfully answered many questions, I asked for his help today. He has always been there when I needed him to help shake me out of this ‘mode’. Last time he only needed to send me a picture of a crazy looking Jesus picture to shake me out of it. Actually, he has helped me each time I’ve been in this state and he still helps me today even though he is not physically here. With the book he left behind, I just need to ask my essential question and roll the dice and he gives me the perfect answer. I decided today to respond to BeiYin’s commentary like I always did before, because I truly feel like he is here right now and I am speaking with him.
From BeiYin’s Book: The Secret Key
147 Give me advice on how to be your self?
BeiYin: What is needed to be your self freely? First you need to find out what you are not, so you might question yourself. You are what you believe you are, but you are right, this you are not ‘freely’.
Betsy: I told you before that what I learned is that this awakening process was mainly a matter of finding out what I am not.
BeiYin: So find out about what makes you to a slave of your present condition. How? By observing yourself and being aware of your reactions when you are relating to the happenings around you, with people, things and all what shows up in your daily life circumstances. Your reactions are triggered by your (mostly) unconscious background structure and this you need to clear up. Understand that this is hard work. You need to be alert, because you will trick yourself, as it is part of human nature to hold onto ones self image, that which you believe you are and an important part of this are your concepts, beliefs, self image and also your reactions.
Betsy: That’s what I’ve been doing all these years, observing my reactions and questioning them, getting insights and doing my meditation. I agree, that is what I found out, that most of my reactions are auto-pilot and coming from a programmed source. The insights along the way, have been seeing layers or special kinds of programs that keep me in identity with the false-self (what I am not). Once I get that insight, it’s like having one less way that I can get tricked into robotic response. I agree with you, it has been the hardest work I have ever done in my life!
BeiYin: Are you willing to lose yourself – to be yourself? Very few people are capable for this. But that you ask this question shows that you are serious about it. So let me continue: “Not to give a thought about anything else” will not be possible, at least not at the moment, because you will need to use your critical mind when observing yourself and your surrounding. You need to distinguish and to make decisions, for this you need your mind as a tool, but the difference is that you must not be identified with it and for sure it is a better instrument when there is not the load of your personal properties behind… But you need to use your mind anyway, so just go ahead with what you are.
Betsy: This is profound advice; I really thank you for writing this. It is what I understand as being the same as Sadhguru saying: “The Mind is Inevitable.” You also give the practical advice on what to do: YOU MUST NOT BE IDENTIFIED WITH IT. (Thanks for putting the MUST word emphasis in there). Right, I can’t be anything else other than what I am right now. Just knowing that is helpful, to understand my current reality as well what to do about it. And it’s definitely NOT a good time to try to make oneself into something else or start dreaming big! Becoming oneself is the most important!
BeiYin: So it is clear now, that it is not possible to give you advice how to *be yourself*, only what you can do to *become yourself*?
BeiYin: It is a growing process and hard work, that might last all life long… The answer to your question will be a result when doing the ‘work’, because the lack of freedom, that shows in your reactions, are caused by your personality that is still programmed. As soon as your conditioning is cleared up, you will enjoy the desired result.
Betsy: Ahhhhh, thanks for the clarification that this condition needs to be cleared up. I see I have learned from this experience each time, and just asking this question today and getting your answer, I feel like a different person. Amazing is how quickly I let that story go today and how much better I feel!
BeiYin: For the moment, there will still be doubts and you can continue to ask questions. You can have the trust that every thing you need will come to you, that will give you the openness to receive. You only need to decide what you want to accept and what you want to reject, always being aware what influences you in your decision.
Betsy: I do trust that everything I need will come to me, as I have been having that ‘experience’ very strong in the last weeks – it’s no longer a belief, I see why it is so. Okay, my first clear rejection decision for today is no more of: “My Story” — I am no longer going to reinforce that ‘energy pattern’.
BeiYin: One thing more: I strongly suggest, that if you are serious about your intention, that you regularly practice the stress release meditation exercise. This creates the necessary basic condition that you can become ‘your self’. At this link you can also find help if some difficulties show up.
Betsy: For sure that is what I will do to help reinforce this decision, because I know that the deeper one’s meditation goes, the more the mind quiets down and that is what I want the most — trusting one day that I will have the ability to: “Not to give a thought about anything else.” I will be sure to come back to ask a question if some difficulty shows up. Thanks for Being!
June 6, 2015 – 1 PM