Becoming & Being


I came across the book: “Psychology of the Esoteric” by Osho in my Free Book Library near my house the other day and have been reading. I get some good insights from it each day. Today the article was “Becoming & Being“.  Quotes are from the first page of the article with my comments in between.

“The original source of all tension is becoming. One is always trying to be something; no one is at ease with himself as he is. The being is not accepted, the being is denied, and something else is taken as an ideal to become. So the basic tension is always between that which you are and that which you long to become.”  

Comment:  I wish I would have read this and understood it at the beginning of my kundalini awakening. If I could sum up the last 10 years, it would be of great tension in the body due to the kundalini process and expanding vibration.  I understood from the beginning that I only needed to merge with this vibration and that was how I worked with it in thousands of sessions. But it was always from the point of view of there being a doer and having to do the sessions to release the tension.

“You desire to become something. Tension means that you are not pleased with what you are, and you long to be what you are not. Tension is created between these two. What you desire to become is irrelevant. If you want to become wealthy, famous, powerful, or even if you want to be free, liberated, to be divine, immortal, even if you long for salvation, moksha, then too the tension will be there.”

Comment: For sure, I desire liberation and I am so tired of these kriyas and the physical body tension and desire to be free of those too. In the last months, the intensity in body vibration is great and the kriyas are so strong and non stop. Even after a very deep meditation session which release the tension, quickly my body feels like a pretzel as the tension builds again.  So no, I certainly am not pleased with what I am right now. Which I can see is a big problem.

“Anything that is desired as something to be fulfilled in the future, against you as you are, creates tension. The more impossible the ideal is, the more tension there is bound to be. So a person who is a materialist is ordinarily not so tense as one who is religious, because the religious person is longing for the impossible, for the far-off. The distance is so great that only a great tension can fill the gap.”

Comment: I hear you, I am definitely future looking wondering when this will ever end. Just waiting for the day in the future when I will be free and the body feels at ease. I do understand what you are saying, you are clearly telling me I am creating this great tension in my body because of my desire.

“Tension means a gap between what you are and what you want to be. If the gap is great, the tension will be great. If the gap is small, the tension will be small. And if there is no gap at all, it means you are satisfied with what you are. In other words, you do not long to be anything other than what you are. Then your mind exists in the moment. There is nothing to be tense about; you are at ease with yourself. You are in the Tao. To me, if there is no gap you are religious; you are in the dharma.”

Comment:  With increased wisdom about my true nature, it is clear what is ignorance and what is liberation. I only want liberation but feel stuck in this state of ignorance and realize there is nothing I can do to change it. Any doing only reinforces the ignorance by creating another conditioned reaction in the mind.  Knowing this and at my wit’s end to do anything about it, the tension is great. So now I understand why the body is getting so uncomfortable with this cramping feeling. Now I see what I need to do, it is totally about not longing to be anything other than what I am *right now*, to fully accept myself and life 100% in this *present moment*.

“The gap can have many layers. If the longing is physical, the tension will be physical. When you seek a particular body, a particular shape – if you long for something other than what you are on a physical level – then there is tension in your physical body. One wants to be more beautiful. Now your body becomes tense. This tension begins at your first body, the physiological, but if it is insistent, constant, it may go deeper and spread to the other layers of your being.”

Comment: I would not doubt that this gap has many layers for me. It feels like everything is coming to a head — to an explosion of some kind.

“If you have a particular type of mind and you want to change it, transform it – if you want to be more clever, more intelligent – then tension is created. Only if we accept ourselves totally is there no tension. This total acceptance is the miracle, the only miracle. To find a person who has accepted himself totally is the only surprising thing.”

Comment: Hmmm, accept myself totally, is it really that easy? Will the tension go away? Yes, I understand why it is a miracle. Because when one is 100% accepting of whatever is, there is absolutely no resistance. One IS and One is where the magic comes from, the healing and transformation power always comes from the ONE, in the present moment, in the only moment that exists — where there is no mind, no thoughts of past, not thoughts of future, just FEELING and BEING alive.

“Existence itself is non-tense. Tension is always because of hypothetical, non-existential possibilities. In the present there is no tension; tension is always future-oriented. It comes from the imagination. You can imagine yourself as something other than you are. This potential that has been imagined will create tension. So the more imaginative a person is, the more tension is a possibility. Then the imagination has become destructive.”

Comment:  Right, existence itself is non-tense. It is a great reminder for me, that when I feel tension or pain or stress of any kind, then I am not being, rather I am in the state of resistance of ‘being the ego’.  “In the present there is no tension; tension is always future-oriented.” Good reminder again, to stick it home. I am so sick of this tension in the body, I am now ready to just be quiet and fully accept whatever is in this moment.

“Imagination can also become constructive, creative. If your whole capacity to imagine is focused in the present, in the moment, not in the future, then you can begin to see your existence as poetry. Your imagination is not creating a longing; it is being used in living. This living in the present is beyond tension.”

Comment:  I will try it! To sum it up, tension is created when I am in a state of not accepting the current moment. The more tension that builds, the more I am resisting.  The tension releases (healing happens) when I just get quiet and still and merge with the feeling happening right now inside me — whatever it is.  I tried this several times today and it works like magic.

You can read the full article here:

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34 comments on “Becoming & Being
  1. Barry says:

    Fantastic information and insight. Thanks Betsy.

  2. Paddy says:

    Dukkha is usually translated as ‘suffering’ but a better translation would be ‘wanting things to be other than they are’. So suffering is not accepting what is – no matter what it is. It is what it is – accept and surrender. Do not fight what is no matter what it is. I know this is best way out of suffering … I also know it is very difficult to do and maintain.

    • betsy rabyor says:

      Thanks for sharing your clarity Paddy. I agree that is the way out of suffering to fully accept whatever is and that it what is difficult for us to do. But with practise and letting go that which we can, this lightens our clinging to the old and eventually the resistance or tension becomes so little that being can take over.

      • Paddy says:

        Last night I could not sleep (again!) so I got up and re-read Osho’s and your words. There is so much there. All of it I have heard before. All of it I have heard, thought I knew – and thought ‘well I know that …now what else.’ But I didn’t know and I don’t know … and only now I know that I don’t know! Last night a relationship incident kept me awake and had my focus completely. I knew it was ‘me’. It was ‘me’ blocking out ‘being’. And I saw more clearly than I have seen before … I saw (quite clearly) what was the ground on which ‘me’ was written and out of which it was trying to escape; to be separate. It really is amazing what we don’t see so often. So many words and so many bits of advice we think we know and understand but really are just sounds/words until we have heard them so often – and then one day they are different. But even then (like now) when I think ‘I definitely know it this time’ even then I probably don’t! Today I am working hard on letting everything be – even that that is telling me I am wronged and that I should fight the wrong. Very hard to let that feeling be – the feeling that I am wronged – but that too must be accepted. Hmmmmmmm… will I ever know?

        • betsy rabyor says:

          This can happen often that we read something and as we do, yeah, I know that…. and then we are not open to receive what is there. No doubt this has happened a zillion times with me. We can receive information only when we are open to receive it, meaning we are looking for an answer usually because we have some degree or suffering or because we are enlightened. In the latter case, then we are always receiving creative impulses. What you saw in your observation in the night is *direct experience* which goes beyond intellectual knowing. That clear sight you saw you will not forget and going forward that ego phenomena will be easier to see, which will lead you to less attachment to it and from that more insights and clarity will come. Yes, the illusion of ego is a very hard one to see through. Now that you can see you are attached to your feeling of being right or wronged and that nothing creative actually comes out of this, just strengthening the notion there is a separate self. And surely you can see that suffering is the result of clinging to your story about the happening. So then you realize there is a choice to let go your interpretation of the happening, which interpretation comes from your conditioning all all your past history. So we judge a happening as either good, bad or indifferent, but the reality of the happening is it has no such qualities from the side of the object/happening. Two people can look at the happening and have completely different viewpoints about it, right? Which is right, which is wrong? Neither, both are just a personal interpretation. Another question might be who is it that feels wronged? Who is it that wants to fight?

          Luke 6:29 comes to mind… where Jesus said to “Love Your Enemies”
          6:288 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 6:29 “Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. 6:30 “Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back.…

          You do this by accepting the happening and not hanging onto one’s story about it. From a peaceful still point inside with zero resistance, you just respond spontaneously to what happens which is always appropriate to the situation. Sure, people will be provoking and behaving bad and this will trigger strong reactions from our past inside us mapping to similar past wrongs or experiences we’ve had. Our job is to just watch our own reaction realizing it comes from the past and not attach to it or go into a story about it. From this state we maintain our clarity and presence and just by being in that state we can help another or change the situation completely, besides being able to respond in more creative way to it. We don’t take other people’s provocations ‘personally’ and go into the game they are playing (pushing our buttons).

          Sounds like you have new insight now with more clarity of the trap of ego, so this will now guide you to see more and to let go more. You just keep doing what you’ve been doing, observing, questioning and letting go those conditioned reactions one by one until there is nothing left to define a separate self.

      • Paddy says:

        I can actually ‘see’ this offended, hard-done by ego standing out apart from a deep quite background; I even know that that ego is the problem, I know it is gathering in strength to bolster itself and keep me focused there … making me believe it is me … and I still know that deep silent behindness is the place of peace; a real place. And yet I cannot escape this fighting ego. Though I can feel it gathering strength to hold me … and I see it for what it is … I cannot (at the moment) leave it and move in behind. And using ‘me’ and ‘I’ to describe all this still holds me stronger in ego.

        • betsy rabyor says:

          That’s another good insight you have received, just to see how strongly energized ego can get when one focuses one’s attention in the story and believes one’s interpretation is truth. You are currently in an agitated state due to the recent happening, so it just takes some time to get that energized ego to settle down. A big part of this I found was to really be willing to drop your belief you were wronged (you are right in how you see things…). Once you can see the truth that the thought-voice-story is not truth AND that by clinging to it and believing it is truth, that this clinging to *our* thoughts is The SOURCE of the suffering or the problems. Let the story go, be willing to be silent and drop this argument and surrender it all. There is in fact nobody to be wronged…. 🙂 The true self is peace, non-conditioned, having no form, no agenda, no good, no bad, no opinion. The true self is vibrant source, energy, with possibility to become whatever we focus on. When we have no thoughts, there is just peace radiating. So practise to let go these inner stories more as they pop up, also look more near to them and ask: Does anything constructive or creative come from this thinking? Okay, sometimes thought is creative, but mostly in making deciiosn and in practical manner. The majority of self-talk is reactive, repetitive and doesn’t solve anything and most nearly always makes one feel bad in some way. The more you see how it sucks your energy and clouds your clarity, the more willing you will be to let it go. The more you let it go, the more the mind settles, etc.

  3. Mark says:

    I liken it to seeking your Lover. When your beloved is with you your completely fulfilled, (that transcendent state of grace); when your
    lover is not present, (that conscious emptiness), one immediately starts searching for this Beautiful union that one may have experienced just a moment ago. Does this searching cause tension within? You bet it does! This tension, friction, pressure within is creating that Diamond which is your soul, to perfectly reflect this Eternal Light, this Eternal Love. One can meditate and pray until blue in the face, and nothing. Then maybe one is sweeping the floor, or whatever, and in a sudden moment out of the center of Being one is risen to such a height, such a Love that one is left Perfectly Empty, Perfectly in Love; Perfectly and Purely content.

    • betsy rabyor says:

      Or one could say, one is seeking happiness freed from suffering. When one gets something they wanted, then they feel happy, but it doesn’t last long, because being a physical thing then one gets accustomed to it and the novelty wears off. Then the thing you wanted so bad, then becomes the source of suffering. So surely the seeking for the lover causes tension, the aha’s and moments of bliss, like teasers to keep going – because they never last. I agree too that one can’t do anything to get it. Nice analogies Mark, thanks for sharing.

  4. Martin Borsboom says:

    Hi Betsy, the doer is Kundalini with whom you are one. You are already your true self, there is no becoming what you already are. Emotions and suffering are of the mind attaching to false identity. The path is clear when the mind is clear, there is nothing to do.

    With love

    • betsy rabyor says:

      Thanks for your comment Marty. I think liberation from mind happens when there is no longer any attachment to the false identity, which apparently has many subtle layers. When there is no longer any belief what-so-ever in an inherently existing self, then the old door will close and a new one will open.

  5. Mamata Anurag says:

    Dear Betsy,

    I don’t understand why the state of tension is seen as a problem at all. I agree that one can experience contentment when one accepts and merges with whatever is happening right now. That is sort of being in Equilibrium with self, with surroundings and more importantly with “Now”…with atleast one or all of them.

    But one need not always be in this state of Equilibrium. I’d love to demonstrate this through Physics, just bear with me 😉 Nothing can stay in equilibrium forever. Some or the other force acts on it – internal or external to the system. For eg: Statics and Dynamics are different fields of Physics studying objects in Equilibrium and objects in motion (with ref to their “Causes”) respectively, but that does NOT mean Equilibrium and Motion can just stay forever. Neither of them is permanent.

    If a person is in desire of something, that desire too is real. So is the struggle, the tension and whatever intermediate state to reach an alternate state. Even the resistance, suffering…everything is real. You want to resist that resistance and suffering assuming that Acceptance and Stillness is the ideal state? Ok go ahead, resisting that resistance too is real.

    At the end of the day, progress is inevitable. So is attaining equilibrium periodically. Because the Universe is always progressing, yet trying to maintain equilibrium with the net effect of that progress.

    Not accepting yourself is also part of progress and the process too is very much part of yourself. To “become” something, one is in a constant process of “being” the change. So everything is just fine, one can be healed not only by accepting whatever IS, but also by beating up oneself unhappy with whatever IS (or IS NOT!) Healing need not always imply a tension free state. Do not forget that it is through tension that one reaches such a state of no tension. It is through this state of progress (tension, distress, suffering etc) that one reaches equilibrium.

    No motion, no progress? Then why attain equilibrium at all? What is the happiness of always being in equilibrium at all?

    • Mark says:

      Dear Mamata

      I have found that physics, (at least in this moment in history,
      is unable to answer this sublime realization that can dawn upon
      a soul that is ripe and ready to receive a whole different reality
      that cannot be put into an equation. When the age of reason,
      (enlightenment) came into being, (1750s), we threw out the baby
      with the bath water. We lost out link with symbolic understanding.
      Now our symbols are Walmarts. To quote Wordsworth, “spending and
      getting we lay waste our power”. We no longer see Beauty; emulate
      Beauty on a grand scale. I am sure you have seen the great Gothic
      cathedrals; the great temples in Asia that were build a 1000 plus
      years ago. If you have witnessed them, they will take your breath
      away. This superlative Beauty, this supreme Harmony is something
      the soul strives for once it has experienced this Eternal essence
      of Beauty. This eternal beauty when the soul has tasted it, will
      leave a soul in a state of tension, and suffering, until it feeds
      upon this great banquet of infinite Beauty.

      • Paddy says:

        Beautifully put, Mark, and I totally agree … almost totally. You say ‘Physics is unable …’ I agree it is ‘unable’ but I think the reason why it is ‘unable’ is because it will not try. Physics … like us folk in these times … sees no profit in breaking through the wall it has reached: the wall of ‘consciousness’ and ‘mind’. And the reason physics will not confront this barrier to its ‘progress’ is because there in no earthy profit in it. Beauty and truth are not physics goals … unfortunately. ‘Business’ is the name of the game … so called profit. And beauty pays no dividends that business appreciates. Sad.

        • Mamata Anurag says:

          “Beauty and truth are not physics goals … unfortunately.”

          Is Physics a person, to have goals of its own? Isn’t it a tool in the hands of people? If beauty and truth are truly their goals, then they would do whatever it takes, including adapting Science, to reach their goals. Problem is not with Science, buy with people using it.

        • Mamata Anurag says:

          “Physics … like us folk in these times … sees no profit ……… because there in no earthy profit in it.”

          Scientists, a few centuries ago, presented us with some basic laws and excellent work, not motivated by business profits, but due to the sheer joy they had in deciphering the script, poetry and beauty of the Universe and Earth. The problem is perhaps with the current ways of the world and how rigidly the application of Science is perceived.

          For eg, we have Social Sciences. Arts and Humanities have no issues using Science. Even in the field of Music, we use Technology today. Granted, sometimes the soul of music might be corrupted with inappropriate use of Technology, but the problem lies with neither music nor technology but with the person amalgamating them.

          But do we have Artistic or Humane Science or Poetic Mathematics or Instinctive Scientific Forecasting today? We might aim for “The Science of Transcendence” but not “Transcendental Science”. Agreed, there are always limitations due to the nature of a particular field of Science, but when that Science cannot address certain problems anymore, when its boundaries are breached, it means its time to ‘know’ that it is NOT “sufficient” as it is, on its own. It needs to take from other fields too. The field of Sociology is one example I can think of, where Social Sciences have used Science to their advantage. Why can’t it be the other way round? Why does Man make Science so rigid as if its the superset and other fields need to “derive” from it?

          If Man is really the Master of his own life and if he is pursuing to realize truth and beauty and if in the process he needs to adapt Science to meet his ends, he will! If he doesn’t even need Science in that process, then well and good. The pertinent question here is not really about the boundaries and motivations of Science, it is more whether man today is pursuing to realize truth and beauty in his life anymore? As Mark observes, majority of them don’t care anymore.

      • Mamata Anurag says:

        I totally agree with you Mark. We are conveying the same message albeit speaking different languages. You have described beautifully the reason for the tension experienced by a soul and I’m not debating it. I only attempted to explain the same thing using Physics, that’s all.

        I’m in no way trying to squeeze the Grandeur into an object for study using Physics. It would be similar to trying to capture a tornado into a small jar. That comment was more for Betsy and others who, (as I understand it,) are more or less viewing the state of tension as a hurdle…as some incapacity of not accepting the ‘now’. I’m arguing otherwise.

        [As a sidenote, isn’t it funny that Physics which is used for studying heavenly objects, which quantifies the attraction b/w any such bodies – big or small – using a Universal law of attraction, a “Universal” Gravitational constant…that very Science which is used to study Earth as if it were some inanimate object and through which its atmosphere, weather, mineral resources etc are explored and dissected, that Science which attempts to explain Big Bang using particle collisions, that Science which so presumptuously is used to explore extra-terrestrial space….that Science is NOT “good enough” to explain the transcendental experience of a human being, who is just an infinitesimally small object on this Pale Blue Dot???

        I do personally find it funny – the irony of Science being applied to understand the orbits, motions and journeys of Heavens but NOT on those of humans!]

    • betsy rabyor says:

      Dear Mamata,

      I appreciate your perspective, much wisdom in it and helpful for me at what I see as a problem. You are right, one state leads to another, no state is permanent and it just came to me before I started typing that the key is in the acceptance or non-resistance of whatever is happening now. It is good reminder for me too, that there is eternal expansion and contraction. I had the feeling that the growing body tension right now is related to what you wrote: “that it is through tension that one reaches such a state of no tension.” And then when there is no tension, one will stop growing and for sure that would be boring and then the next desire or challenge comes along to continue one’s growth. Really nice to read our words and to see my unrealistic expectations.

  6. betsy rabyor says:

    Thank you everyone for all the wonderful comments, I hope to have time to reply tomorrow.

  7. Mark says:

    Science, technology, digital technology, are all marvelous
    tools now at our finger tips. It’s good stuff! I just read
    a recent statistic. Back in the 70’s, 80’s, 57 percent of
    young people when they got home from school went outside
    to play. In this present moment, 17 percent now go outside
    to play. Is this due to the violence on the streets? Perhaps.
    I believe maybe it has more to do with this mesmerizing,
    hypnotizing technology that completely captures the soul and
    can direct it down the path it wishes. Is technology to blame?
    Of course not. It is these insidious forces using this technology
    to control. Many of these young people today believe the foods they
    eat come from the grocery store. Might as well as it is all crap
    anyway. I guess my point is, that we have so separated ourselves
    from Nature that we don’t even realize the source of our
    physical being. Ahh, but Nature can be captured and controlled. I believe this is what many think. In order for me to sit down
    at this computer, or talk with someone that has stopped by to
    say hello, there has to be trillions (unlimited) of perfect
    events(science now), all happening in Perfect Harmony. If we lived our Life aware, and in this “Perfect Harmony”, disease, poverty, suffering could not exist. But we’re a long ways from that.
    Dark forces exist to make sure that we do not arrive at the threshold
    of Perfect Understanding. I believe there were civilizations in the past that understood and held this Sublime Key; lived this Perfect Life. Now for those who walk through this dark valley like me, the
    work of transformation is terribly difficult. When a soul gets to
    a certain level the weight of the world will be put upon one’s
    shoulders. How else can one give back unless the soul experiences
    this crushing darkness. Ah, but we want to avoid such conversations.
    Forgive me.


    • Mamata Anurag says:

      Mark, it’s like hearing myself speak here. Or it would be right to say, you express the spirit of my thoughts while they struggle to be expressed, crippled solely at the mind level, restricted by the boundaries and capacities of a mind. I can clearly see how the same thing sounds so different when it is spoken at soul level and mind level.

  8. Mark says:

    Dear Mamata Anurag

    Like me you’re a spiritual warrior. You entered into this
    battlefield because you were called to do so. The spiritual
    warrior realizes their pending defeat. It is in this loss that
    these Perfect redemptive forces in the Universe awaken and breathe
    into the soul this Eternal Life, Love, and Perfection. There will
    come a moment when all the soul can do is die; and let me tell ya,
    there is stress and tension when facing this fact. However, the
    Gift offered is over the top! All temporary understandings cease
    to be.


  9. Mamata Anurag says:

    Yes Mark, there are apparently many of them at the moment on Earth, who were called to do so. And it is an incredibly painful journey for all such of us. But I doubt if anyone of us is walking this tough path in anticipation of a Paradise, that is apparently there at the end of the road.

    Atleast I, on my part, continue to walk this road, due to the simple fact that I can’t switch the road even if I’m unable to withstand it’s ruggedness. I walk it because I do not seem to have a choice. Yes the promise of reaching the Paradise sounds exciting, but when the road to it is so hellish, I’d any day settle down with not having to reach it…and instead take another route.

    I do many things on a daily basis which I don’t really want to do. I experience a constant compulsion to pursue them and that compulsion doesn’t at all seem external to me! It comes from within and seems so genuine…just that I cannot rationalize it every time. A part of me seems to be lingering in one dimension and another part of me in another…must be the lower and higher vibrations.

    It must be my higher self that is compelling me to do certain things and it most probably just knows what it is striving for, perhaps that very paradise. Without such persistent ambition, why whould I experience this powerful pull to do things? But with my human awareness, I constantly fight this urge. Yet I choose to go with this compulsion most of the times.

    But let me tell you, this constant internal struggle is not easy especially when the world around you doesn’t understand it. Keep aside the world, but when your own family members don’t understand it and when your twin-flame (apparently your TF because nothing outside you ever confirmed it!) doesn’t even communicate a word about it, then the battle can only get more burgeoning yet daunting. The dilemmas and the ambiguities of a twin flame journey, the cultural boundaries, the familial and societal expectations…this whole constant state of paradox is very draining, to say the least.

    But to sum it up, I tend to believe that my higher self knows what IT IS, it is striving for. Hopefully someday (whether or not in this life time) there shall be convergence between the conflicting parts within me when those different dimensions merge.

  10. Mark says:


    You just described my life. Shame on you!
    You are right in the heart of the battle. You’re in
    a great place!! My, my, I have seldom heard such honesty.
    No spiritual platitudes for you, my friend. You’re already
    there, and the beauty of it is that you don’t even know it.
    So, my suggestion, bejewel the moment regardless of your
    moral ideals. You will be called when your not aware of
    it. When the moment is right and ripe you will walk away from
    a moment (eventually many moments), and ask yourself, ” what the hell just happened?” It is no big deal, but it will ripple out endlessly
    without you knowing it…In a Good way!!

    • Mamata Anurag says:

      Yeah such instances often happen, one moment you are crushed under the weight of the world and the next moment you suddenly have the capacity to move on. Also fortunately for me, the timing of the events has always been so, that they were very much within my moral scope.

      I’m definitely in a better place, than I was, at the beginning of this journey. The path certainly has been progressive for me and that is what gives me hope… live! 🙂

      Hope the path only gets easier for all of us now on. Thank for listening Mark.

  11. M says:

    I want to thank Betsy for forming this Blog so confused folks like myself can express openly this transforming reality that this world does not recognize. This road of the Kundalini release has for me, been hell; however, the freedom, the release from all the many snares and shackles that held me bound to this organic stage, this extremely large play we call the earth; well, the walking though hell has been worth it. Wow! The Gift given for those souls that are ready to receive this acknowledged awareness, it becomes a humbling Love that one wishes to grow Eternally In. I have been searching, and walking this road for 40 years, and there were moments, (many), that I just wanted to give up. Something inside always pushed me to figure out my own riddle in this massive scheme we call Life. The Honesty of seeing yourself in this Total Purity can be overwhelming when you are in a limited framework we call a body. So much of your time is spent defending and justifying your identity. One spends a lifetime building these self sustaining walls and then in a sudden moment all these subtle barriers we have built and developed though a life time, have to come crashing down. This is not a road for the weak of heart. One earns their freedom. This Magnanimous God, Light gives to those that won’t quick, this Infinite Freedom, this Eternal Life, This Perfect Love.


  12. Mark says:

    I realize we want science here. We want a practiced and ancient ritual that produces results. we want to invest, and we desire a dividend. simply put, a payday. In reality, the only requirement on this path is a pure and simple Heart. This is a difficult concept to get one’s head around. We live in a world of such deceit that capturing any thread of Truth leaves a soul in a state of loving humility.


  13. Jeremy says:

    These are wonderful insights that help me understand what I’m going through, and maybe a contributor to so many experiences that I go through. I am a male who my entire life has desired to be female. And I’m a male who desires to be female who desires to be one with all, to be enlightened. It seems like there will be no comfort for me until I let go of the ego of the desire to be something that I am not. Something that I will not be in this life. What I am understanding that letting go is the way. Oh if only it was that easy.

    • betsy rabyor says:

      HI Jeremy,

      Glad to hear the article speaks to you and gives you insight.

      The reality is the body is like a seed such as an acorn, with an inbuilt program inside the DNA that unfolds over our lifetime, like growing into an oak tree. The oak tree that this seed becomes is unique, special and a perfect oak tree, exactly how it is. That special ‘being’ is an integrated part of the entire existence, it is one part of the Whole that no other being can take the place of. Now the oak tree, it doesn’t have a complex mind and personality like people do, so it is perfectly happy being that perfect oak tree for that place and time of it’s beingness or existence. But with the human mind, we can easily envision with our creative imagination, to want to be something other than what we are (in manifest or physical realm). And then the suffering comes when reality does not meet our expectations. We don’t need to recreate ourselves as something else, we are already perfect exactly how we are.

      By letting go your desire to be something else, you only risk losing the suffering which results when your desire is not fulfilled. But as you said, you’ve had this desire a long time, so it has a deep-rooted habitual thought/feeling energy. When you realize the futility in it and realize that only suffering comes from it, and are truly sick and tired of the suffering, then you are ready to just let it go and accept whatever comes in the present moment. Not rejecting anything that comes nor wanting anything to be anything different than what it is in this moment.


    • Mamata Anurag says:

      That can be such a torture Jeremy…wanting to be something, one cannot be. Maybe this longing has got something to do with some unresolved past karma? Among many other things, forgiving others and motherhood are said to fulfill the feminine side greatly . Even a Dad can mother his kids…I’m sorry for the intrusion if any, but maybe your kids need that mother’s care from you and that might be one of the ways to resolve the past karma, if any. And if you are not in the phase of parenthood, it could also mean giving more love and care to those who need it from you.

  14. Justin Song says:

    These are great! Glad to hear that you’re feeling better now.

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