I came across the book: “Psychology of the Esoteric” by Osho in my Free Book Library near my house the other day and have been reading. I get some good insights from it each day. Today the article was “Becoming & Being“. Quotes are from the first page of the article with my comments in between.
“The original source of all tension is becoming. One is always trying to be something; no one is at ease with himself as he is. The being is not accepted, the being is denied, and something else is taken as an ideal to become. So the basic tension is always between that which you are and that which you long to become.”
Comment: I wish I would have read this and understood it at the beginning of my kundalini awakening. If I could sum up the last 10 years, it would be of great tension in the body due to the kundalini process and expanding vibration. I understood from the beginning that I only needed to merge with this vibration and that was how I worked with it in thousands of sessions. But it was always from the point of view of there being a doer and having to do the sessions to release the tension.
“You desire to become something. Tension means that you are not pleased with what you are, and you long to be what you are not. Tension is created between these two. What you desire to become is irrelevant. If you want to become wealthy, famous, powerful, or even if you want to be free, liberated, to be divine, immortal, even if you long for salvation, moksha, then too the tension will be there.”
Comment: For sure, I desire liberation and I am so tired of these kriyas and the physical body tension and desire to be free of those too. In the last months, the intensity in body vibration is great and the kriyas are so strong and non stop. Even after a very deep meditation session which release the tension, quickly my body feels like a pretzel as the tension builds again. So no, I certainly am not pleased with what I am right now. Which I can see is a big problem.
“Anything that is desired as something to be fulfilled in the future, against you as you are, creates tension. The more impossible the ideal is, the more tension there is bound to be. So a person who is a materialist is ordinarily not so tense as one who is religious, because the religious person is longing for the impossible, for the far-off. The distance is so great that only a great tension can fill the gap.”
Comment: I hear you, I am definitely future looking wondering when this will ever end. Just waiting for the day in the future when I will be free and the body feels at ease. I do understand what you are saying, you are clearly telling me I am creating this great tension in my body because of my desire.
“Tension means a gap between what you are and what you want to be. If the gap is great, the tension will be great. If the gap is small, the tension will be small. And if there is no gap at all, it means you are satisfied with what you are. In other words, you do not long to be anything other than what you are. Then your mind exists in the moment. There is nothing to be tense about; you are at ease with yourself. You are in the Tao. To me, if there is no gap you are religious; you are in the dharma.”
Comment: With increased wisdom about my true nature, it is clear what is ignorance and what is liberation. I only want liberation but feel stuck in this state of ignorance and realize there is nothing I can do to change it. Any doing only reinforces the ignorance by creating another conditioned reaction in the mind. Knowing this and at my wit’s end to do anything about it, the tension is great. So now I understand why the body is getting so uncomfortable with this cramping feeling. Now I see what I need to do, it is totally about not longing to be anything other than what I am *right now*, to fully accept myself and life 100% in this *present moment*.
“The gap can have many layers. If the longing is physical, the tension will be physical. When you seek a particular body, a particular shape – if you long for something other than what you are on a physical level – then there is tension in your physical body. One wants to be more beautiful. Now your body becomes tense. This tension begins at your first body, the physiological, but if it is insistent, constant, it may go deeper and spread to the other layers of your being.”
Comment: I would not doubt that this gap has many layers for me. It feels like everything is coming to a head — to an explosion of some kind.
“If you have a particular type of mind and you want to change it, transform it – if you want to be more clever, more intelligent – then tension is created. Only if we accept ourselves totally is there no tension. This total acceptance is the miracle, the only miracle. To find a person who has accepted himself totally is the only surprising thing.”
Comment: Hmmm, accept myself totally, is it really that easy? Will the tension go away? Yes, I understand why it is a miracle. Because when one is 100% accepting of whatever is, there is absolutely no resistance. One IS and One is where the magic comes from, the healing and transformation power always comes from the ONE, in the present moment, in the only moment that exists — where there is no mind, no thoughts of past, not thoughts of future, just FEELING and BEING alive.
“Existence itself is non-tense. Tension is always because of hypothetical, non-existential possibilities. In the present there is no tension; tension is always future-oriented. It comes from the imagination. You can imagine yourself as something other than you are. This potential that has been imagined will create tension. So the more imaginative a person is, the more tension is a possibility. Then the imagination has become destructive.”
Comment: Right, existence itself is non-tense. It is a great reminder for me, that when I feel tension or pain or stress of any kind, then I am not being, rather I am in the state of resistance of ‘being the ego’. “In the present there is no tension; tension is always future-oriented.” Good reminder again, to stick it home. I am so sick of this tension in the body, I am now ready to just be quiet and fully accept whatever is in this moment.
“Imagination can also become constructive, creative. If your whole capacity to imagine is focused in the present, in the moment, not in the future, then you can begin to see your existence as poetry. Your imagination is not creating a longing; it is being used in living. This living in the present is beyond tension.”
Comment: I will try it! To sum it up, tension is created when I am in a state of not accepting the current moment. The more tension that builds, the more I am resisting. The tension releases (healing happens) when I just get quiet and still and merge with the feeling happening right now inside me — whatever it is. I tried this several times today and it works like magic.
You can read the full article here: http://www.spiritualsatya.com/becoming-and-being/