The word DOUBT has eight different meanings depending upon the context. For this article I will only focus on two of them which have nearly opposite meanings:
1. A feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something.
2. To be fearful or apprehensive about some object or thing, to distrust it.
Please spend a few moments to contemplate these definitions then read the following where I share my journey of the last days, which are related to doubt.
In the last days, I’ve been editing Vivbala’s book: Life is Binary and yesterday I started on the chapter: Life is Energy. Before I started this chapter I wrote him and said that I had the opinion the first time I read this chapter, that it had the least impact on me,. I felt it was the weakest in the book. I also told him that I knew much about energy, that this was my specialty. With that thought, I felt I was an expert on this topic and that I could contribute my understanding to make the chapter have more impact.
Yesterday when I started my day I felt my energy level was low and my awareness was reduced. All day long, I observed this and wondered why I felt so drained and dull. When I did my work, I did not feel the enthusiasm and excitement I had the day before. The entire day felt like an effort, the enjoyment was gone and I felt like I was pushing myself to get things done. While editing the chapter, I saw several things that conflicted with my understanding of how energy works, which many have to do with generating, converting and channeling energy. This article would get way too long to go into this topic at this time, as well I need to review what I know before I can talk about it in more depth.
At the end of my editing session it occurred to me, that the edits I had done to the text I no longer felt confident that I knew so much about energy and would have to look at it again with fresh eyes the next day. I have the habit now to use the morning when my energy is highest to reflect about my patterns and life experiences from the previous day.
Several insights came today:
1. My energy got drained because I was not being aware of how my habits of all kinds affect my energy level. I saw how when I felt the high of rising awareness levels, when my energy was high, I tended to push my body in ways that actually drained my energy. I felt low yesterday, because I had crashed by burning myself out in the last days, because I was not keeping close tabs on my energy levels throughout the day. Yesterday I could not see this and had a ready excuse that it must be due to a healing reaction. I now have the direct experience that Vivbala explained why keeping a consistent level of energy is a good idea. It is much better to keep an even level then to get too high or too low. When you get too low, you can lose an entire day that it takes to regain your energy level.
2. While intellectually I know much about energy, I actually have not verified these things directly by practicing close observation of myself and energy levels to see how everything I do, consume and interact with affects my energy level and quality of experience and being. It reminds me that it is always best to verify things yourself, to not just consume information. Often information is easy to comprehend intellectually, and we feel we know it. But the truth is you don’t know it, if you haven’t made the direct experience of it. You learn the most from direct experience!
3. I see how my own knowing limits my ability to receive new information. I felt I knew so much about energy that I could not be taught anything new about it. As I approached the content on energy in the book, I can now see my main intention was to show what I knew about energy. My teaching self had taken over and because of that I was no longer able to receive what was being shared with his insight.
4. I need to look closer at myself in an observing sense, like an experiment and paying close attention to everything I do, to directly discover the nuances of my energy levels. I want to know the difference between generating, converting and channeling energy so I can be more effective, efficient and aware. The channeling energy is the part I feel has the most potential but also my body must be highly tuned to be able to do it. I can learn new things, but have I have to be willing to observe myself more closely and to then to be willing to make choices about things to change in my life as I uncover what zaps my energy.
Positive Doubt: If you question something you believe you know very deeply, uncertainty or doubt about what you thought was true may arise. This type of self-doubt is positive. Because you are uncertain you are looking to receive an answer and are open.
Negative Doubt: The negative form of doubt is harder to see, it is related to mistrust or fear. This mainly arises when new information, opportunities or challenges present to us in life. Essentially this doubt is ‘fear of the unknown’. What we know and is familiar to us, gives a feeling of security. When a new challenge presents, an instinctual fear is triggered which is a self-defense mechanism due to encounter of an unknown energy field. At that time if we aren’t willing to release our grip on what we think we know and embrace the unknown encounter, then we are giving off a negative charge of energy, being in a closed state and not open to receive new information or opportunities to realize our vision.
If we can remember that the Universe is unlimited and that knowledge is continuously expanding, that might help to remind us to question our precious knowledge.
June 7, 2014
PS: Happy Birthday Tomorrow!