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Update: I have self-published my journal covering the first year of my kundalini awakening.
The complete text can be read on-line at OurLightBody.com.

Date Written: May 6, 2024

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Crown Opening ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brief History: I have been meditating twice a day for the past 15 years and have ventured into different areas of transpersonal ‘work’ over the years, always with the intent to find out: ‘Who am I?’ I have made it my practice to journal daily, to review my reactions of thoughts, feelings and responses to life and to my fellow human beings. In August of 2006 I had a satori experience that lasted 3 weeks. In this period of time, the wisdom of creation and what it means to be a creator was revealed to me. Also my energy level was very high, I did not need to sleep, my thought processes were very fast – I felt like a super computer. Walking outside the whole world looked different, it was like walking around in a 3D movie-like view, I saw everything different; insights came about all kinds of things. My body vibration was very strong, and I felt different in my own skin. I felt alien, yet thrilled and elated. During this time I was also ‘told’ that who I was as ‘Betsy’ must go. That part I didn’t like so much… After this experience everything in my life changed, I quit my job of 15 years as a computer programmer, and became a full time student of personal transformation. The experience of feeling myself as energy for those three weeks I later came to know as my beacon in the darkness. In all the time between here and there, I was never able to fool myself into believing I was awakened or had arrived, simply because I didn’t feel like I had here. Wanting to be like that again gave me the strength, courage, conviction and intensity to keep going back to myself, over and over again, to continue on my path to find the truth.

~~~~~ MENTAL BODY: GROWING BEYOND THE 'LITTLE ME' ~~~~~~

August 2006 – February 2005: I meditated twice per day, I learned yoga and tai chi, I studied ‘spiritual’ books and I continued to keep my eye on myself, looking at my reactions in life, learning from them about who I was. Writing was one of my main vehicles for this, reviewing what I wrote, where my reaction came from and how others responded to it. I went through a spiritual head trip of believing I was somebody, and crashed back to earth when I saw clearly how crazy I was thinking. I spent years believing I was spiritual, getting a new insight and always grabbing onto the ‘attainment’, thinking I finally got it, then crashing back to earth, humbled again and starting over. This went on for years. I went through all the mental head-trips of trying to live a concept, of criticizing others, of writing in spiritual mailing lists, of being an authority, of being a teacher, etc.

March 1, 2024 - March 30, 2024 – I did the sungazing protocol as popularized by Hiram Manek, adding 10 seconds each day until one reaches a full 44 minutes of gazing at the sun. This took me around a year to complete. It was a very difficult thing for me to do, and in the middle of it I quit for 3 months, then took it up again to complete it. I learned about myself from the experience. when I reached 35 minutes of sungazing, then I came to the realization that the emotional state of my body had a stronger effect on my experience of reality did, than my thoughts. During this period I also went into an investigation of alternative healing and did many body cleanses and periods of fasting.

April 2004 - Jan 2005: A period of acting like an authority, questioning my meditation and of activism.

February 2005 – March 2005: A poignant post back to me in a mailing list, asking me if I had ever critiqued the one who critiques, turned me back to myself. During this time I became so intensely aware of the internal dialogue, the little me telling it’s story, and how this went on so persistently. The childhood dramas and programming came to the surface again and I knew I was repeating. Eventually I saw the dream world of the ego mind and realized it was impossible that I could ever know anything. Today I know this was the completion of transformation of the first part – the mind. All these years, I had walked the talk, raising my awareness little by little each day with my consistent work, eventually seeing the truth I needed to see. Little did I know that there were two more steps to complete until they happened…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EMOTIONAL BODY ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

March 2005 – June 2005: I started to look at my emotions in depth. As providence would have it, around this time I started to enter menopause, periods of strong emotional outbursts, night sweats, hot flashes, etc. I was also in a growing conflict with a close friend in my community life, which gave me many opportunities of ‘emotional outbursts’ to scrutinize. I went intensely into observations of my emotional state and started to use new tools. I saw how difficult it was to control emotional reactions, even when I had an eagle eye on my thinking and feelings. It seemed impossible to not react emotionally when in an intense and falling apart close relationship. I instinctively felt I needed more energy in order to stay aware enough and also I needed more information about emotions. I started practicing the techniques of Eckhardt Tolle, in the book Power of Now, I used the enneagram to find out about the emotional programming behind my personality, I added in a Qigong routine, a barefoot walk and used techniques to increase my sensory awareness. I picked up the sungazing again and increased the length of my meditation sessions. Near the end of this period, I was finally pushed to the limit and I cried like a child again, for days on end. I had done the same thing in 2006 at the beginning of this journey, crying for 3 weeks straight. Now the scenario was repeating again, but this time I heard the things I told myself that made me cry so hard. It was like the voice of a child, repeating the pains of childhood, the loneliness, the feeling of not being loved, etc. Looking back I can see that I completed the second step, the cleansing of the emotional body. The repetitions of the child hood drama and crying jag, had now happened twice – first after the satori period that cleansed my mental body, then second which cleansed my emotional body. There was one more to go…

June 29, 2005: MEDITATION: I watch carefully in mediation for what works. Listening to the inner sound, becoming one with it, was an awesome feeling. I look for something that takes me out of my thinking easily. Sensory awareness of all kinds, no matter what I do. I realize I do have to work at it. To be there in order to receive.

July 2005 – October 2005: I am acutely aware of the inner dialog and how it feeds one’s emotional states, and I use the continuing situation of conflict to gain more control over my reactions. It starts to work, I am elated and start to become fascinated with energy and how to get more and to learn all about it. My awareness rises significantly and I start to become much more sensitive to energy in myself and in other people, in animals, plants and minerals.

Bamboo stalks swaying
song erupts from clacking leaves
being one with wind.
Recalling what one has seen
the past stays alive inside.

Has one ever seen
a still bamboo in the wind
refusing to sway?
Human’s great ability
guarding one’s separation.

Smiling at my dog
he smiles back and wags his tail
being one with me.
Dropping all one’s pretenses
the barriers fall away.

Oct 2, 2024

October 19, 2005: Meditation: Just feeling my body, then I went very deep instantly. I realized this vibrational energy I can feel is CONSTANT, it never wavers, it’s always there. This was like a revelation and a big smile rose on my face seeing this constant. I realized there was nothing more to find. I was done with seeking, there only remained the step to become it. I was determined that someone had to do it and it was going to be me …

November 2005 – December 2005: I learned how to do reiki and give reiki treatments to myself. There was an instant response in my energy, it amplified greatly and I was mesmerized by it. I dropped all but the daily meditations and started to give myself reiki treatments six hours each day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SURRENDER OF SELF ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

December 26, 2023: Surrender - I woke up this morning and noticed the head talk right away. Then the question if this is going on even when I’m sleeping and so quick when I wake up, then what hope is there ever to go beyond it? SITTING THERE PONDERING THIS I FELT MY ENERGY RISE, MY FEET PULSATE, THE DOLPHIN SOUND GREW, THEN I SAW THERE WAS “NO WAY”, ONLY THERE IS DROPPING IT AND THEN BEING IS THERE.

January 2006 – February 2006: I continued intensely with the Reiki. Intuitive dreams and messages from universal consciousness were now guiding me on what to do, I surrendered more and more to what I was told and just did it without question. very much a period of becoming independent from any authority, I was totally alone in the world, yet guided. I was told what I could use to increase my energy, how to use various objects to ramp up my frequency and how to apply the reiki energy. I started experimenting with the meridians using reiki. The workouts now were 10 hours per day.

~~~~ PHYSICAL BODY: KUNDALINI ACTIVATION & TRANSFORMATION ~~~~

January 14, 2006: During one of the reiki sessions the kundalini activation started this is my word-by-word description of that happening. While it was happening I was writing…

"Doing the outside of little toe I felt the Big Toe ache, then a little later crackles in my skull above my ear on the right. Whole body activation seems to be happening from the toes. Outside of small toe, I feel the UB meridian opening vertically on my head down front and back of body, up and over top of head. Whereas the GB meridian path goes around in a circle on outside edge of body. Hmmm. It now feels like it is raining on the inside of my body as the fluid starts to drain. I can feel the energy down left kneecap, behind outside part of right thigh, in the lower backside of head, down the spine. Right armpit is draining. Now it activates nearly the same meridian paths in my hands and my arms and is creating a circle around my chest through to my armpits. Now it appears to be spiraling down around my legs. Now it seems to be circling the knees and cleansing them. It picked up big momentum. Now it feels like my whole body is raining inside everywhere all at once and I feel very cold…"

January 15 – 25, 2006: After the kundalini was activated it got very intense and never let up. I went into a retreat and a fast and into a very strange world all by myself, a journey through my mind, emotions and body. I went through the child hood traumas again, this time as the emotional memory was taken out of my body, all over the place. I saw the third repetition and now knew there were three stages to full awareness encompassing the mind, the emotions and now the body. It made total sense to me, yet how could so many mystics be wrong? Nobody was talking about a physical step; I was so surprised to see it.

I remember that I was not hungry during this period and had laid up a stash of boxed pineapple juice and water to fast and had asked the people I was living with to not bother me, that I wanted to do a retreat and not to have any obligations for duties. I didn’t want to see anyone and stayed very much in my room all this time. I think what happened in this time period was the series of ‘nervous system works’ that happened in my body. Strong tingling sensations that stung sharply like being pricked with needles, doing one section of the body at a time, going over and over it for many hours. This caused me very much pain. For instance, first a leg, or maybe it was both legs together. Then the hips. I remember being bent over for 8 hours straight, sitting with my legs to the front, while the energy criss-crossed back and forth across my spine. Like it was being laced up like a shoestring in a tennis shoe. I had the sense new nervous connections were being made in the spine. The arms I remember as being particularly dramatic and the last that was done. I was lying in my bed and as I rested the arms grew numb with the prickly energy. It hurt very much and I didn’t want to continue with it, but I did. At the time I thought this process going on all over my body was ‘growing’ new bones. The arms hurt more than anything that had gone before. It went on for many hours and then I realized I needed to go to the bathroom. But I could not move my arms. I was surprised to find out that it was impossible to raise myself if my arms would not move (lying on my back). It must have been also my shoulders were numb. I was effectively pinned to the bed. I was cold – I had no clothing on, night time had arrived and I had no fire in the room. I couldn’t find a way to get the covers over me. I was thirsty, I couldn’t reach the fluid. I needed to blow my nose, I couldn’t do it. The drainage running down my face, not able to wipe it away. I struggled with this dilemma all night and part of the next day. In my mind I kept hearing the message: Surrender, surrender, surrender. Like it was pounding out to me, demanding that I surrender. I was starting to feel very desperate. Nobody could get into my room, a big door with an impenetrable lock on it, not to mention I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, so calling for help was out of the question… Then a notion arose up in me strong, that I always had had the power to get up, I only had to will it, to focus my intention on what I wanted strongly and it would happen. I only needed to take control. With all my intensity I focused and it worked and I rocketed myself out of the bed dangling my numb arms behind me. It only took a few minutes for the numb arms to return to a normal feeling. This might sound trite reading this, or even that I was insane at the time, but I believe it was a lesson being taught me to learn how to focus and realize a growing power. During this time it occurred often that the pain would increase all over my body, to such crescendos I didn’t think I could take it, and then additional pain pricks were happening in my heel bones, off and on, with an annoying frequency, I could have sworn these were nerves being stimulated by higher consciousness in my body to teach me how to surrender to the pain. I was being given pain via nerve stimulation for the purpose to learn how to sit in center as the observer and just watch the pain vs. identifying with it. This was definitely a skill I needed to master in order to be able to go further in the transformation process, as well the ability to focus my energy with an intention. When I was able to inspect my arms there were very peculiar gray indentations like channels running down my arms. I suspect nerves were also being stimulated here. So this whole episode was my higher-self teaching me how to surrender and take control. I saw it all in an instant, right after I leaped up off that bed. I started laughing strongly to see it all with a new perspective.

February 2006 – February 2007: A period of intense kundalini activation. There is so much that happened that it can’t be written here at this time. I completely went out of society and into full time retreat, the intensity of the workouts grew so much I could only surrender to my body and move with the autonomous reactions. I took notes during all this time, but it’s still on paper and I have to type it in and summarize it. There was a cleansing of all the organs, a spontaneous gall bladder and liver cleanse. A period of stretching into the joints of the hips, shoulders in ways I had never done before, causing much pain. Many, many periods of strong vibrations and prickly needle like feelings during periods of rest, taking me to the limit. Difficult stages passed were allowing the first tingly needle-like nervous system changes sitting for long hours with numbing pain. Allowing the energy to move up through the chest into the neck and skull was difficult because one has to stop breathing to allow it, there is a squeezing on the trachea which doesn’t allow breath. I struggled with that for around 3 weeks, finally realizing I could hold my breath in between and relax, I wasn’t’ going to die… That was a big step to be able to go on to other body changes. Many sessions of energetic expansions of the body and feelings I was growing into a different shape, yet always when it was done I didn’t look different. Many months of stretching the neck, the shoulders, and finally opening the cranial bones. Many full body stretches along the spinal cord, causing much pain, going over and over again the same ‘pain cord’ through my body. Many more months of neck stretches and then many months of the cranial bones being popped and stretched. The Cranial bone popping was very difficult, at first it felt like the bones were breaking and it was scary for me. It also hurt and it was difficult because one had to lie down to be able to take it and my face got very raw from the body turns and skull turns, my neck continues to have a rash and my hair turned into a birds nest. I finally found a way to tie a scarf around my head to protect my skin and hair and be able to go on. Many months of stretching out the hips bones and pelvic area, the intensity like that of childbirth going on and on for weeks. That was a very hard period. Each day praying it would end, each day asking how much longer, each day thinking that was the hardest ever, and each day getting something more difficult. Also during all this time trying to find somebody who might sympathize with what I was going through, I was totally alone with it. I logged over 4,000 hours of workouts during this time period, doing a type of ‘kundalini yoga’, being led by surrendering my body and allowing the muscle charge to move me the way I needed to be moved. I can only tell in you truth that I was not choosing to do this, I was in a total surrender. There was no time to do anything else, if I didn’t go with it the rising tension at the base of the skull became unbearable, with a big bolus’ of energy pushing at the base of the skull and causing an extreme head ache the longer I held off the work out. I went down to bare survival mode, being in isolation as much as possible, cutting myself off from any kind of distraction, I only had a little time to be able to take care of bare necessities such as cleaning and eating. There was no time for socializing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A WORK IN PROGRESS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

March 2007 - May 6, 2007: Near the end of the above time period, I guess enough work was eventually completed in the skull so that the urgency to work out was reduced. There was no longer the big bolus of energy at the base of the skull, so it became that I could start to go hours at a time without working out. This pattern has continued for these months and I was so greatly relieved to be able to write and do other kinds of creative activities. Yet also I felt guilty, that perhaps I was writing when I should be working out. It is still not done and continues. The main thing at this moment is all skull work, of which I am doing as needed – when I start to get tired and the tension builds – around 4-6 hours per day. The main area is at the base of the skull where it connects to the neck, including the tmj joints and muscles of the shoulders which connect to the mandible. Whenever I rest then a strong vibrational energy arises all over the body and it feels like there are changes being made in the skeletal system. Through the last weeks there has been soreness which moves from area to area, currently my right knee hurts quite a bit and it's difficult to bend the leg or to walk. I have very little energy to do physical work, yet I force myself anyway because I like it. I get tired even walking, so this tells me that a kind of growing goes on after cranial adjustments. I get tired and just want to sleep and allow the growing vibration. Changes are happening, and still I have little idea what they are. The one thing I'm certain about is that it will end and then I will get my answers. So I continue on...

Summary : I felt it important to at least write up this much and to also make a summary description of the process I delveoped to use with reiki energy, that I feel triggered the kundalini reaction. This guide can be accessed at the following link. I think it can be used as an effective meditation and healing technique no matter in what place one is at in their personal journey.

How to Heal Your Body

I would like to hear about other people having similar experiences and also to get feedback. I have detailed hand written notes covering my entire journey through the kundalini transformation and later will make that available.

Update: March 15, 2024 - The kundalini transformation process still goes on 24/7, without a stop since it started. But I feel that the hardest part is behind me now and I now can do outside work and do more writing - such a relief... the work that I do now each day, all seems to be downhill. I am working hard on typing in all the notes, so that I can share them. Over time I notice that increasing numbers of people are writing me with signs of kundalini awakening happening to them, so I know these notes will be helpful for other people.

Betsy