I observe in my process of awareness - steps, stages, evolvement -
which I see will continue for eternity. So far I have experienced 3
deaths and 2 rebirths in this life, the third rebirth of which I am
currently within - and probably it nears completion soon. Next I
summarize from my observations and experience what is my current
take on what has been happening in the process of growing awareness.

We know how to create something as a human being in the world of
objects: We think about something, we make a decision, this
generates a feeling, an impulse, a desire to do it - forming the
energy of intention and thought into the vibration or shape of what
is to be, building that energy, then we do the actions & movements
in the physical plane with our intention and what we wanted to make
exists, we have created something. So I also understand now why this
happens 3 times. Being an individual, as personality in a body, one
might say one is created as that when one is born. To transform
ourselves - as we are in a body - then we have to recreate that
body - ourselves - using the same principles of how we create some
other object using our thought(mind), emotion(feeling) and action
(body).

The first insight or death is that we get the knowledge about
ourselves, we see we are not the thinker, we are more than that, but
seeing this revelation doesn't unload all of our beliefs, concepts,
etc., that we've collected over our lifetime. There is no instant
awakening to that. This first death is the beginning of awareness
beyond personality and the start of the end of being the
personality. As far as I can tell this revelation is what many
spiritual people are clinging to - they know they are not the
thinker - yet what happens is it creates a split and then they
aren't able to go beyond the conceptual parts. It's like they disown
the physical aspects of themselves at this point. The
rebirth/growing/transformation phase follows with all the many steps
to unload all the perceptual/mental aspects: concepts, beliefs,
etc., that the individual is viewing their world through. Through
mediation and self-questioning, slowly discovering what these are
through observation and then dropping them, the influence of being
the thinking one recedes and as it does awareness grows in it's
place - a metamorphosis is going on.

So then to this topic of glass ceiling, where one hopefully! gets to
the point of realizing that one can't know anything, meaning that
the reflection can't know anything and thus one sees the limitations
of being in this physical form. One sees the craziness of believing
in the story that one is constantly telling oneself. One knows that
what one thinks is totally one's interpretation. Knowing/seeing this
clear, then one comes to the second death, which can be seen as the
end of the story teller and the rebirth/growing of the
energetic/emotional/feeling aspects of oneself. This is the
revelation of enlightenment as a verb to which you refer. One
encounters oneself again, but this time differently, not through an
understanding that one is not one's mind, but as a feeling, you know
yourself to be the energetic vibration. When you realize this,
you're old way of being as the story maker, provoking your
environment to be able to react with strong emotion you see is what
was fooling you. You thought this was what was meant to be alive,
when you see through the ruse, then you no longer are interested in
getting your kick this way, that part of you that wanted to be the
pretending one has died.

Now you have a new target in sight, you know yourself as vibration
and you seek to increase your vibration or to nurture this aspect of
yourself. This is a period of getting used to `not knowing' because
you can no longer believe what you tell yourself, then your
diligence here is to continually shut yourself up and get out of the
habit of telling your story. To not have that familiarity in the
constant background is scary, it's like you feel without a base, not
knowing how to know anything anymore. Then starts the next growing
phase away from thinking and emotionally reacting as the `story-
maker' to learning to control one's innate energy and not let the
personality energize. It's very simple really, one moves one's
meditation into daily life, continuously withdrawing energy from
thinking. Depending upon your desire and how much you practice this,
this can be a period of great energy gain in growing awareness or as
vibration, as energy is withdrawn from `being the personality'.
One's meditation gets deeper very quickly.

My current theory of what happens next is that when there is enough
energy withdrawn from the old structure: the personality has broken
down enough, then it triggers the activation to start to grow the
new structure. When something is metamorphosing in the existing
structure, when the old (house) is breaking down, eventually there
has to be the start to build the new (house). This trigger point is
what I call: kundalini awakening. After a few months of preparatory
nervous system changes to the body, then eventually the changes move
up through the chest and into the neck to make changes into the
physical structure of the neck/skull/brain. I experienced the third
death here, and as you might imagine it's totally physical - it's
not mental/intellectual, it's not emotional/feeling/vibration. This
was the hardest thing I've done so far, yet I see how it can't be
otherwise. To be reborn in the flesh, you truly will have to die in
the flesh. People have seen how animals and people die - it is
exactly the same as this, it is this, it's not a simulation in
virtual reality - when dying you gasp as you take your last breath
of air and make gurgle sounds, etc. I'm sure people don't want to
know about this, but I think it's good to have the information as a
kind of checkpoint. How can I say this more clear: kundalini
transformation is totally physical, it has little to do with the
mind and emotions and growing a new body in the existing is a
difficult process to go through, but it's the only way that the old
structure can be dissolved so that a new one can form. When the
changes to the body move up and approach the neck to get to the
brain, the Tranformative energy is stretching, contracting and
squeezing all that tissue in the neck, which will close off your
breathing. You will stop breathing when this happens, now the
challenge is to allow this death and go to center as the observer,
knowing you are dying and allowing it. All physical changes are made
this way. You can only get through the 3rd death with a total
physical surrender. Does this make sense? If it's a physical step
then the surrender step is to die. When you do this, then you are at
the end of being the personality, you will never go back to having
that structure in any future life, you are beyond that part of you,
and you are on the way to growing the new structure which serve you
for the next part of your journey. There's no going back.

It takes some time for the new body to grow, which is where I'm at
in the kundalini transformation process and I'm pretty certain that
at the end there will be the 3rd rebirth finale in which there will
be a third revelation, but this time I'll see it physically. I don't
see how it can be otherwise. Okay so this only explains one
metamorphosis in the continuum of my life.

Betsy