“Gut Feelings”: A conversation between Betsy and BeiYin about Healing, Intuition, Awareness and Expectations
BeiYin: Ok, thanks. Yes I know I’m pretty good in these kind of letters 😉 I would be a good lawyer, fifty years too late…
Betsy: Probably I would be too, as I’ve had success with the same sort of thing, but I still can see you would be better at it than me, so I wouldn’t want to go face-to-face with you in court.
BeiYin: Got that you can admit this, that makes you to a good partner in a lawer connection and of course also in general. Got = good
BeiYin: Yes = gut, truth from the gut. Gut Feeling… I can’t read much these days, I can’t even correct the few line from the email…
Betsy: It’s got to be difficult for you, I can’t really know what it’s like. The other day when I noticed that there is more color in your skin, that gave me hope for a recovery and also a little more confidence that what we are doing is the best thing to try. I give you credit knowing how hard it must be to stick to all these regiments which probably are causing healing reactions, making you feel worse.
BeiYin: If this gets worse, then I will be pretty lost.
Betsy: If it gets worse, then we’ll find another way to go on.
BeiYin: Well, I am convinced that I will pass this and will be better than ever before in health and spirit. It is not the regiments which make it so difficult. It is the totally unknown field I am moving through, there is no map, there are very few signs to orientate myself. Some intuition, too much information I am not able to look through…
Betsy: If it’s any consolation, I feel some of the same things with the unknown aspect. From my point of view it seems there is a lot of resistance from everywhere and too much information, offering conflicting viewpoints, which make it hard to stick with the intuitive aspect.
BeiYin: I am consequent enough and I have made the decision that I prefer to die if I can’t go through it without depending on any kind of authority. I trust that I am guided and if I fail, then because my trust is not complete enough. I guess this all is part of the cleansing process which goes through all levels… Yes, people stick mostly on the known and all information are colored by this and there is hardly any space for a creative view. So the dying process is part of the cleansing process and a good part of the brain material must be taken out, in one way or the other…
Betsy: Makes sense. I want to see your energy back, but maybe that’s selfish. I see the essential aspects in what can be learned about it by dealing with what is here in a creative way and passing that information along maybe helping others.
BeiYin: Probably this is the sense of self manipulation when people drink. On the long run they kill their brain cells and at the moment they reduce their thinking capacity. This fibromyaligia is doing something similar, I just hope to recover, no, I don’t hope, it doesn’t really matter. There are other aspects more essential. There are enough people everywhere who are brilliant with their brain…
Betsy: There are quite a few stories of people having ‘grace’ events under the influence, getting clear messages, but usually just a clarity to see their sad situation of self-manipulation. But maybe that’s a ‘real’ sane moment. I agree that there is no shortage of brilliant brains.
BeiYin: Yes, we are kicked from many different sides, but normally we don’t see it.
Betsy: The kicking you mean to continue our growth?
BeiYin: Yes, and not how we expect it to be…
Betsy: What do you know about this being kicked from many different sides, etc? That the things/events around us are pushing us into a new level of growth that we can’t know of, not having experienced it before?
BeiYin: Well, we can see it in daily life when things are not going how we expect that it should go. Little things and big happenings. The ‘knowing’ and our ‘experiences’ are not as important as we believe, probably we give too much importance to this. As long as we are identified with what we ‘know’ and what we store as ‘experience’ we are still off. Probably this has to do with our brain, storing all this stuff and then seeing it as our property…This is all garbage what we store. OK, in a big part we live inside this garbage, that from others and our own…
Betsy: I don’t see that anything is happening as I expect it to.
BeiYin: Oh, oh: Many things happen as you expect them to be, just that you notice it mostly, when it is NOT like this.
Betsy: No, I take that back. I notice them both ways, but I’m not sure of the weight. What I meant was that I don’t see that my expectations are what happens.
31 July 2002
For more information about BeiYin’s healing from Fibromyalgia see his Testimonial.