Can you watch your own thinking or not?

Anonymous: It's a good article (All is vibration), but I have one question, because I'm getting my head around it, and your article came by "coincidence" into my view. You said: "One can t really watch one’s thinking, because when one is thinking then one’s awareness is totally withdrawn and one has become the thinker". Why do you say that? I mean, it's ok, logical, but if I can observe my body while it happens, and my emotions while they happen, why not thoughts too? I said to myself it's because I'm not focused enough that I cannot see the thought happening before my eyes while it happens. But I'm open to see your version if you have more to say about it.

Betsy: Good question! Awareness is the source, being the source it has no properties. When one is fully alert there is no thinking. This is pure observation. Focal points in meditation are most effective when they don't need your help 'to think about it', simply gazing at an object or feeling one's breathing happening by itself are good focal points. Even so, people will meditate, 'observing' their breath, and they say to themselves, I'm breathing in, I'm breathing out, watch my breath, focus back, etc., they chatter the whole time, if they even can remember to do that much. Thought is such a high frequency that it's hard to detect you are even doing this chatter all the time. I spend years doing meditation thinking I was quiet, then finally was able to see I was not as quiet as I thought. A few months after this observation was when I was able to keenly see thinking start up and try different focal points until I 'fell asleep' totally, into silent oblivion. One observes oneself falling asleep as the ego shuts up entirely, which is scary the first times it happens like that.  When one reaches this happening, then it keeps repeating and it becomes normal that the whole hour meditation passes in what seems to be only a few minutes. Then you know what is full awareness. Later you observe clearly the difference between activated ego and activated awareness during waking hours and know they are mutually exclusive states, it's one or the other.

Once the thinking starts, then no longer fully alert, attention is drawn within to self-reflection mode (that's why you can get blind if you get sucked into this too much), that is what is manifest in that moment -- another word for it 'activated personality'. If there is also a strong emotional charge, then it’s strongly activated personality. It’s like turning around in a dream world then, like emoting. One can't observe when like that because one is totally sucked into another world, the source is buried because it's the energy being used to create this phenomena.
In either case, the truth is: IT”S ALL YOU…

Thought is symptom of 'internal chatter', one is talking to oneself, mulling something over, asking questions, or engaging in a story of one's own making (totally lost). When one is just feeling what's happening such as vibration in body, then this doesn't need thinking. Mostly when you observe your emotions or thinking happening, this observation is taking place 'past tense', not in real time.
You are in reflection mode, retrieving memories, using logic, etc, and this is mostly done by recalling what just happened. Then also you observe, you are thinking heavily and ego is activated, and alert awareness is no more. One could easily walk up quietly upon you and go 'boo' and you would jump, because your attention was withdrawn into mind. While fully aware you feel and see things instantaneously and direct, it's never past tense.

Logic can never figure this out, because using logic is 'past tense' state, there is
no 'new source' (inspiration) element in logic. You churn around what you think you already know internally. Logic is best used to form a question, which is what you did by writing. Anyway, I can't convince you of anything with my words nor do I want to. This is one you have to see for yourself to know it's true.

Anonymous: Thank you for explanation and details. I understand everything you say, from my own experience.  Everything you said fits with what I saw. There are maybe some differences about the practice. I'm giving as much as I can to improve, but I don't know how much relatively to you. I guess it doesn't matter. The essential things are the same => if there are errors in my perception of what you say, they are quite little.

Betsy: Truth is recognized

Anonymous: It's good to see other people trying to do what you try to do. It's like you meet "your kind".

Betsy: I hear you, few and far between

Anonymous: My little annoying thing is the word "total"... total involvement in mind/ego/'past tense' etc... either or.. either full awareness or involvement... Because I believe it's possible to see and create in the same time. To not be involved totally with your results, but being more involved with observing you while creating , and then see the results with peripheral vision, if I could say it like this.

Betsy: There is never a need to chatter when fully aware, it’s just pure silence observing, you are doing, you are being, you are intensely alive. You don’t need to ‘talk internally’ to SEE what you’re doing. One must have taken the step to have seen for oneself -> directly that SEEING is never happening while mind is active, in fact it creates a blindness to SEE, one’s attention is turned into one’s internal world of mind. This is an advanced step, and even I thought I had done it because it’s easy to intellectually understand, before I had actually done it / seen it direct. Few today have completed this step. Sometimes a poem can help, I wrote this poem which addresses this step.
http://phoenixtools.org/poetry/tanka_lostininsideworld.htm

To understand this further, take for instance a race car driver, going at super fast speed with other cars around, they are not thinking at all, they are pure focus, if they lose pure focus for a moment, such as getting distracted thinking, they crash, it is life threatening. The same for a rock climber - while in scaling / climbing mode - they are not thinking things over, it’s pure being in the moment, and doing, and reacting to what they are sensing. This is the attraction of these sports, to feel oneself as intense aliveness, so they do it to get that rush feeling. They don’t know ‘intense aliveness’ can be achieved in other ways no matter the setting --- simply by being ‘quiet’. So they get addicted to their sport.


Anonymous: Everything you say (it's really nice that you talk from your own experience mostly) it's true from my point of view.

Betsy: You can easily state this, that it’s true from your point of view, but it is exactly your point of view and my point of view that prevents us from connecting ‘at source. I don’t know what you are really receiving as your point of view, until you say more and I can zoom in on what it is. As far as I know I talk from my own experience wholly, at least what I’ve expressed to you so far.

Anonymous: I just asked because I'm not sure if it's possible to stay aware and create, but remain aware, and not go too far into results, to avoid identification with results. I really believe it's true and possible to remain detached, just that it's a mastery few humans achieve. Maybe because of laziness and weaknesses, because from my point of view everyone can do it, if one chooses to.

Betsy: Because of laziness, weakness and addiction to the old habit. I agree, everyone can choose to do it, and the more you practice, the better you get at it. Now I go into ‘my current theory’. I believe the current structure of brain is built for self-reflection, re: ego mind, and it is a preliminary structure to get us to recognize our true nature. This means it’s a beneficial structure, intended for that purpose. After having recognized one’s true self, then energy explodes, one wakes up, all kinds of charismas happen, then this is the start of the building of a new brain, basically eliminating all the parts that make ‘self-reflection’ or internal chatter possible. This structure in brain is no longer needed, so latent DNA switches get turned on, to make a new structure in brain / wiring and remove the old. This moves towards creating a new human where instantaneous adaptation and reaction to environment, such as is achieved by the race car driver with intense focus, is normal operation. One never forgets what one saw – the real self… At exactly this moment, the old personality structure starts to break down and the new awareness body starts to unfold, the insitu-metamorphosis in body is happening. The new is being built from the old. This goes on at a rate that is dependent upon how much one works with it. If one stops working with it, it basically stalls. Now it happens, that this process of ‘growing a new brain’, happens most efficiently when one practices ‘not using the brain’, re: one is aware or in quiet mind meditative state. The brain can only be reorganized when it’s not being used! It is my key phrase: ‘Healing happens when you sleep’, the subject & title of the book I am writing. On my part, I have to still focus and work at it but it’s much easier than in the past.

Anonymous: If what I believe is possible, then we can easily see the starting and happening of thoughts real time, and influence their flux, sustain them or not. In a word, being the master over mind.

Betsy: I don’t have any big disagreement with this, it’s basically correct as I understand it. It’s just the ‘real time’ aspect, I don’t think it’s real time, it’s rather we realize it past tense, but there can be just a second in between. With higher levels of awareness you can more keenly observe yourself and see how you are using your energy and shift focus when you want, thinking or not. And I agree that’s mastery over mind. But this leaves the question, not all people are equally aware, so why with higher level awareness can one more readily see what is happening with energy use?

Then it might be you have a belief, and you want confirmation for it, pure awareness has no such need for confirming such a theory. You remind me of myself years ago, you are very intelligent, like a philosopher, and love to ponder these things. No blame, it’s a good base, but also difficult to let go of ‘your precious intelligence’… A big bonus and a big block at same time… Problem is, you can go over and over and over this, and look at from all angles, but you will never get the answer this way. This answer will only come from quiet. So pose it, but just sit in mediation and wait for the answer to arrive, it doesn’t need you to figure it out… Talking back and forth here, even if someone were to know the truth ( might I know? You are not sure, right? Okay… ) will never resolve this for you. You don’t know whom might know, as you reach higher levels, you rarely meet someone who can answer your more difficult questions. You trust yourself more than others, that is good. Yet, there is nothing ‘new’ in that. Your thinking doesn’t know the answer, because you don’t know the answer, because it’s unknown to you. Now you reach the point, where you have to get the answer direct from source, set your intention: pose your question, sit in meditation, now tell yourself you don’t have to think about it to keep you intention/question ‘in focus’. Just trust you’ve established it by voicing it, then let go of all thinking. Keep doing this until you get your answer out of source from quiet intuition – it will leap into sight, and you will go AHA, I get it!

Anonymous: Buddha and enlightened humans can do it from my point of view. This is what I wanted to check. Because I could be wrong and believe non sense stuff.

Betsy: You can’t ‘grok’ the capabilities you don’t have. This becomes a silly argument…

Anonymous: And one thing more from my experience. There were many times when in meditation it was like... getting my head into the "waters of thoughts" and seeing colors, thoughts (audio), video, etc (mind stuff)... and then getting my head out of the "waters of thoughts", and see their buzz and noise, like electric current or something, pure movement and just movement inside my head. Then if I entered again in thoughts, in noises, in their movement, "the water", again stories appeared, sounds images, associations etc.

Betsy: Thoughts don’t happen by themselves, it’s you using energy to think, you are thinking. Any thing you see or observe triggers ‘thinking’. If you are aware enough, then you notice the reactive thinking has started, and you set it aside. What you describe here is keen observation, but still shifting in and out of focus. Observe thinking more closely, one thought triggers another, images flash from memory, it is just like dreaming, you weave together a story connecting all the dots. The buzz/noise/electric current happens as a side-effect of being in no-mind state, when mind goes totally quiet for a second, then the mind changes, it’s the kundalini transformation thing happening. I’ve observed 1000’s of hours of these kinds of symptoms. Even memories can be provoked as side-effect symptom of Kundalini transformation, as the pathways and memories in brain are being reorganized to be more efficient. It is why dreaming happens at night, after mind has went quiet, it’s a reorganization. And there you are observing it or getting involved in it, whatever. But you are not that.


Anonymous: Anyway, thank you, and if you have something to add, I'm waiting. And one more question:) I'm curious how you see this.

When I'm positive and energetic(high vibration) (especially when far away from sex and staying up too late in the night) I've seen it's quite effortless to see around me the creation of everything I need, even if I don't know what I need, the needs start to flower.

But when I'm low in vibration, negative emotions or even neutral state of mind, it's a struggle, and results come after some or big effort, if they come.

So this means that creation of our potential, manifestation of our choices, it's easier when high in vibration? So "being high" it's a requirement for effortless creation? And by effortless creation I mean flowing with the flow, and supervise attentively, when all around you is a field of something that protects you and grows your needs, flowers your seeds/potential.

Betsy: Being low one is in the state of living in the past, there is nothing ‘new’ in that, it’s a defensive mode, one of fighting to keep the old self alive, while ‘doing that’, no new energy or love can enter into the picture. You keep love at bay, you keep spirit squashed down, it’s a situation of eating oneself alive, or ‘dog-eat-dog’, what you see all around the world today. Everyone fighting to survive, to keep their ‘self-image’ intact, and arguing with everyone and everything to do it.

Being high, one has let go of all the past, only important is what is happening right now, there is no need to cling to anything. One is quiet, observing, and sees far and wide and things one would not have seen while low. Because when low one is blind, the bubble view, the dreamer mode, etc. When one is present one is one with all that is, there is no limit.

Okay, this is truth, but I can’t tell you I live the latter the best of my ability, I tend to still like to fight and struggle a bit, so regress at times. It’s a good reminder, that when it seems like one is struggling, or things are too hard, it’s a clear sign one is ‘activated too much as personality’, and to just breath deep and let it all go.

Betsy
October 3, 2024

 

How Can I return to the blissful feeling of being one with all?
Anonymous (paraphrase): I had a very intense experience with a woman half way across the globe from where I live. It all happened in a magical way. I had published a short article on being still. A number of readers responded back to me with feedback and I  aknowledged all of them. However one woman has made such a deep connection with me something of the kind has never happened to me. What I need to do is to stay with the connection and flow with the energy.

I understand your desire to stay with that connection, it comes from deep within. You want to know how to make it a permanent feeling. I guess your article when you wrote it had some elements of light within it, meaning it came from your heart not your mind. This I guess because you got a good feedback response, light responds back to light, even one doesn't know one is doing it. Light passes through the barrier of personality, the defensive part of self that is the interface that normally prevents such exchange. This is because pure light is finer, less dense, hardly has any mass, and is like invisible, it just goes through. This connection you seek is there within you always and right now -- it has nothing to do with the woman, although it's easy to presume this. I had a similar experience years ago and attributed it to that person. the truth is, it was you ready to rise, you awakening, you already shining, (as is evident to me because you wrote that article), and she simply triggered that response in you, by responding to light in kind. Your light -> her light -> your light rose higher.

To get this feeling back, you only need to continue to do the work you have been doing that has gotten you the result you have so far. The most effective is to keep practicing being the observer as much as possible (re: meditation skills), do this twice daily, the more you practice like this, the stronger you will get, the more awareness you are, the less dense personality. It needs quiet dedicated time, two hours per day; it's not enough to do only things like Power of Now (PON), as Eckhardt Tolle explains. For most people their awareness is simply not high enough to be able to observe themselves objectively while personality is activated, which is normal daily life mode. The best is to do both, sitting sessions with full focus on meditation skills, and also do PON techniques during the day time. in this way, you will hone your skills, and your inside will respond, you will slowly rise and get that feeling back.

Anonymous (paraphrase):  I would like to know if u can throw some light on this phenomenon - our ability to connect energetically from a distance?

We can connect energetically because the truth is there is no distance between us, we
are all connected 'physically', and we are one. The best way I can describe it is it's like we are all fish living in the ocean, when one fish moves, all feel the vibration of that movement. There is actually a web all around us, that connects one to the other, call it dark energy or dark matter, physics knows it's there and works to explain it and understand it better. When one object moves, all the objects in the universe move with it. Theoretically, one can reach to the sun, Pluto and even other solar systems.

Then there is created and creator. The matter is created (past, objects, form) and what creates the matter is creator (present moment, observer, light, unformed, inspiration), Creation happens with simple decision, you put your focus into a particular area, then move and put your energy into that intention/activity. What you focus on, you create. It should be said if you are still mostly driven by ego, what you will create will also be ‘materialistic’ in nature. (Be careful, this is a seductive ego game to fall into, that of wielding power to create things, such as in magic or The Secret, Creative Visualization and the like, one can be entertained with this ability one’s whole life. If one chooses this path, one will pay a huge price. One will have all kinds of material things, but at the expense of having no growth in evolution or spiritual advancement for one’s entire life.) Know, you are both of that, what is created is what you can observe of yourself (all past tense), and who is observing all that is the creator, which has no inherent form, it is pure consciousness, pure light. This is your eternal aspect that can never be destroyed.

You connect energetically at a distance by: setting your focus onto the object you want to connect with (visualize the person with a unique identifier) you hold this focus until you feel the connection, it's like two scalar waves (see link below), deciding to synch up with each other. When the synchronization happens, it feels like a push/pull, I describe it as a bellows, your energy comes towards my energy, my energy mixes with yours, then this goes back the other way to you and mixes with yours and comes back to me, etc. I feel this push-pull sensation during my entire distant healing session.

I do this often with my distant healing, and am able to do it well, because my light is strong, I can be 'as bliss' with a simple decision, coming out of 1,000's of hours of sitting meditation and reiki practice over the years. When I am as light (my awareness is high, I'm in observer mode), then it's like traveling as light on that invisible web that connects us all. I am as the creator I feel simply as a point of light, and can put my focus anywhere into the universe, but at the moment I need a point of reference (so something known, like a person). I haven't tried to put my focus into other places outside of earth, but it’s interesting to think about it.

In short, your ability to actually do this, will get better as you are more aware. If your are interested to know all this (your intention with this question)  is so that you can try connecting long distance with that woman to get that feeling again... then that desire comes out of ego-mind, and you better drop it. A better intention would be to learn how to bring out your own light, as you do so, then desires like this will be seen clearly (by light) as ego driven and you will drop them.

There is a new term and science that works to explain this, called scalar energy, a person made some videos about it at this link. I think it was the last video that talks most
about scalar energy. http://www.thehealinguniverse.com/videos.html

Anonymous (paraphrase): Everything happening is very real yet there is an underlying dismay about the process. Can you throw some light?

Quit attaching to experiences and thinking about them and trying to understand them, and trying to come up with a way to make them happen again. Trying to do this is all ego-mind being in the driver's seat. Look closer at yourself, to see for yourself this is truth.

The dismay comes from activated ego. Know that to be truth. Attaching to experiences and thinking of ways to repeat them, is the mode of busy mind, activated ego/personality. Know that.

Now to get more light is an easy solution, the hard part is you have to want to make the decision: the alternative to activated personality (ego mode) is simply to reset your focus to turn it off, re: go into meditative mode, as in PON techniques, = shut up - get quiet, quit thinking. Practice this often, find different ways that work, do your twice daily sitting meditation, the more you practice the better you will get at it.

Now, we normally don't want to truly stop this old habit, because we get something out of it, which is very precious to us. Activated ego with it's mind chatter and emotional energy charge (emoting) is what we get out of it, and this feeling of strong emotion generated in body from the mind-emotion internal operation, gives us 'the feeling we are alive'. (But this is a lie, that is not the real us, it's the ghostly pretender...) To let that 'old way we are used to being' go, feels to us like death, to fall into that empty void of no longer having that entertaining busy mind-chatter and emoting, feels like we have nothing to hang on to. It is so foreign, we are not used to being 'totally quiet', and we even don't know what might replace all that mind chatter. It’s an unknown space, it's going into a new frontier, into the unknown. The ego-mind then asks, how will I think? how will I be without this? The ego-mind wants to always have something 'to hang onto', a new concept, a new way to pretend, to keep the old game going. Rarely does it ever consider dropping the container the main cause: The thinking process itself, rather it will invent something else to keep the old chatter going on unchecked. Ego-mind never wants to totally let go, because if one does that, then ego-mind mode starts to dissolve, as BEING ARISES. Scary, the firs time this happens. So mind chatter and emoting is also a kind of entertainment, a way to keep one’s energy low, dense and solid as blind formed personality. For sure engaging with this old habit, gives us something back, or we wouldn't use our precious energy in that way. We need to see clear what we get out of it,  and what happens when we do it vs. not do it, only after we see this clear are we able to make a clear decision to drop it.  When we look close we will see doing this old habit always gives us trouble, unhappiness, negative emotions, harm to self and others, nothing good ever comes out of it. Then we will be ready to let it go.

Okay, so know this: who you are always IS, you can never disappear or die, death = TRANSFORMATION. look back as far as you can remember in your history, maybe you recall a past life or two, maybe not, but if you do, then it should be clear, you are there to remember it. You are always there as the observer no matter what happens on the outside or to your form. you are the rock in the middle of the chaos. YOU ARE ETERNAL, There will always be you there to observe no matter what. Hang onto that, this is where true security comes from, knowing that for sure to be truth.

When one thing dies, another thing takes it's place. it is not like ego is here then in an instant full awareness is here, it is rather a SLOW GROWING PROCESS. If you are working effectively with spiritual techniques then what happens is each day, ego is less and being is more. It is like what you let go of old way of ego, (what you drop), is freed energy from form, which is returned as free awareness to being. This is what TRANSFORMATION means. Too many mystics have reported one just wakes up fully and instantly, and so many egos are confused about that. it's a process, this is one of the main things I work on clearing up, in my articles and future books (if I ever finish them...)

Anonymous’ Stillness Article (paraphrase): The unspoken question is how one can be still or attain this stillness with nature in a turbulent world? The answer is that there is no quick fix solution, but one can start by going back to nature, being in it and observing and listening.

The crux of this problem is one simply has not the ability to do pure direct simple observation. One thinks one can observe ‘nature’ when the fact is, one can’t.  This is the big lie we tell ourselves, we think we can observe. One can’t even look at a tree for more than a second or so, the mind always starts up and adds its point of view, and this is what makes us blind. If one could simple gaze for longer extended period of time, then you would see amazing new world leap out and open up: vivid colors, connectivity between
all moving things, things you never noticed before, that tree would look more alive than you had ever seen, the bark is moving, it is undulating, etc., and you would feel great because in that moment the real you IS.

At one’s current state of evolution, one can’t tell CLEARLY the difference between simple gazing pure observation and observing through the mind-interface. this is the step you now are on, to be able to tell the difference. Dig into this question, practice more. When there is not the ability to observe one’s internal thinking & emoting one is doing,
one can’t see the veil that is in place, as unchecked thinking & emoting is the VEIL. There is no distance between the created and the creator, thus no possibility to observe.
This is why all the mystics say the most important question is ‘Who Am I?’ or Know Thyself, or Look Within, it by gaining self knowledge (knowing what is the blindness), that then subsequently opens up the world to pure sight. This one keeps asking until one SEES the truth oneself.

Betsy
June 12, 2024

Tried a Theta-healing session with a practitioner from the USA a week ago and whammo! It was
awesome. I started on a topic that was pretty specific, but what he dug up was way beyond that.

Things that had happened in my life I never had thought had a negative impact on me was cleared and
I felt the change radically. Really awesome. Theta-healing works the way that the practitioner goes into
theta mind state, and talks to the Creator there. He or she asks for healing to be done on the behalf ofthe client and more often than not, it works! Healing happened for me for sure, and I blasted through
my old patterns and belief systems with ease. He tested me for beliefs both before and after
the sessino using muscle testing or kinesiology and it really showed a difference.

I was amazed. I definitely recommend thetahealing to everyone, and if you have the chance, do it.

Peace and harmony

Well, the course was massive.

As expected I encountered a lot of resistance towards the process. The first day it manifested
as pain in my back, then in my legs. Then when the pain disappeared it came as mental resistance
to the process of 10 days meditation. I couldn't sit still and observe. I had to move around, even
while the other 60 people seemed to be doing fine. They would move a bit here and there, I could
not sit still even five minutes after a period of 20-30 minutes had been. It was horrible. I felt so
ashamed and demotivated. I wanted to leave, and almost did. It was so hard, my mind could
for some reason not take more than 20-30 minutes of meditation this way.

So finally on the 4th day I asked the manager to leave... he told me to speak to the teacher of the course.
I went for a walk in the forest before my appointment with him and asked inwardly to my higher self, or
higher power or whatever. :P I got the answer to litsen to my teacher whatever he said. When he told me
to stay, I stayed. It was still awful the next days but I had a couple of 'sittings' where I did fine and only moved
about a little bit.

But the funny thing was, when the course was over I felt so great. Full of energy, love and feeling of connection
to the whole world. Intuitive. This feeling lasted for some weeks and I am still feeling very positive.

Good course, and I would take it again if I can manage to sit and do this type of meditation for an hour by myself.
If I don't manage to sit for one hour at a time I don't know, because then I would run into the same problems again
next time. But, I am trying to increase my sittings by one minute or two every day so I will eventually manage an hour.

Geir

Used lots of EFT, NLP some and Ho'oponopono.

Going to a vipassana meditation course in two days. Looking forward to it.
Feel a deep sense of relief and relaxation when I look at the date
on my calendar when I will arrive. :-)

I  don't know what it will be like, an inward journey to my soul, perhaps.
There is a schedule, ten hours of meditation every day, some food but
not a lot, and silence between all participants at all times.

Looking forward to it.

G

Thanks for your reply.

It is nice to see how another person responds to life's challenges and situations.

I'm in a bit of a rut. I want to go out live in "ecologic/spiritual" communities.

I have this drive towards this lately, as many friends and aquaintances are talking
about this and are also driven towards it. I just last the other night met two
old friends who wanted to start one in my home-area.

I understand this type of living comes with its challenges, especially from reading what
you now, and beiyin before, have written about it. But it makes so much sense and while
I am afraid I might have too huge expectations about it, it sounds like something I need
to try. But, I am at home now, actually in the same apartment I was born into... and my family
is really there for me, I have started a new career as massage therapist, and just lack two
months of school before I am a fully qualified one ( by norwegian standards, anyway.)


Hmm... now the words have started to bounce around like you told about. I'm in an internet café and only
have money for three more minutes so I'll end it there and come back later. It seems like an issue that.

Daily life situations block higher aspirations.

Namaste
Geir

Hi,
I read something about the notification option too, I have to press the 'notify' button on every topic it seems.

It would be great if I could get notifies every time a reply comes, I'll go check closer.

Geir

It's good to write something, as soon as I do it, ideas start to come, to change
my current situation, so I can work on what is important for me "Peace on Earth".

My vision incudes starting or participating in a center like was mentioned, to teach
meditation and various other self-healing modalities, but it always seems to be
something that is put off into the future. It's never here now.

I can see it's my attitude towards money, which is a big blockage for me.
I can see I am predominately making choices based on 'getting money' to survive, and
when I run my life this way, then I end up enslaved to money. I always feel if I can
just get a steady income established (or this or that done), then I can finally relax
get creative and do what I really want to do.

I realize this is the trap most people are in, yet the reality of needing money to pay the
bills confounds me. I want to jump into the stream of fulling trusting that I am guided
and taken care of, without having to struggle or fanagle to get what I need or to
make things happen 'how I want'. I can grok how it should work, yet can't quite let fully
go of the material world world I cling to.

How this relates to this thread, is how can I help others to bring peace on earth,
if I haven't yet figured out how to 'live as peace on earth' myself? For me, it always
goes back to heal thyself first, then one can be in a position to (help) heal others.
But maybe this is just another excuse I use, to not just get on with it, or to multi-task
and do two things at once.

I sense strong I need to see clear some old tendency within myself (which is currently
hidden to me), so I can let some old weight go. Then after this, I should be able to
move my energy in a more creative way, and to live in a more buoyant responsive way,
more spontaneous to what is presenting. Trusting to act upon what shows up, and that all will
unfold before me, if I keep my attention and heart in the right spot - the sweet spot.

Betsy
 

It's a good question, and good you ask it. It would be great if more people would ask such a
question of themselves. On my part, I want to do the best i can to help others also to bring
love, peace, and healing to this unhappy, dark and violent place that currently exists on earth.

I've done the community thing, and find myself again in community and confront the reality
of not being able to bring any peace to fellow beings in my surrounding. There is so much
anger, drug use, despair, unhappiness. There is no talking in a normal way, all is intense
emotional responses of one kind or another, either outright attack or no talk at all, and
supressed feelings. There is so much talk behind the back, and it all revolves around what
other people did, it's always the fault of the outside or of others, nobody takes fault themselves
and wants to admit they could change something about themselves.

Then the trigger, any thing can set it off, and out comes the ugly personality
attacking for it's properties, whatever it perceives is threatened. I guess being here,
something rubs off and there is a slow kind of change. Yet, nobody around me is interested in
any topics that are near to my heart. I've tried a few times, and all I get is attacked, it's so
bad I don't talk anymore and find ways to not be around anyone.
I don't find that working one to one with people is the way I can be
most effective. Finding ready people is impossible, as everyone is lying. Okay, you already
know that....

So as I've said before, the way seems to be to find your own highest level of happiness,
do what feels good to you, do it with love and all your attention, then something loving will
come out of that. When you feel good, you do your best work. Share that with others, in whatever
form it takes. For me, i want to write my books, but survival needs now makes it that I have
to work too many hours and there is no time left over after.

It is time for me to make some decisions, and really see if i can't find a way to balance
what I'm doing and find some time to work on writing my books. I'm ooking for a way to work
less hours to pay the bills, and then have time left over
to write. What is clear to me today, is I have to make a decision and do something else,
as this is not creative, for me or anyone here or outside.

Where you live, how you live and with whom you live is very important, to having a happy
atmosphere, condusive to creative endeavors. If you are not in a place that's happy to live
in, then how can you be happy to take space to do creative things?
This place I currently live in is TOXIC, it is a big reason why my creativty falls off, yet i
also don't use it as an excuse.

I am walking my own path, I make my own decisions, what is my situatoin and my life today,
came from those prior decisions. Why I needed this lesson, I'm not 100% sure.
I guess because I don't yet take full power into my own hands, and still feel I need the
support of others. So positively, it's a good step, to see I can do it on my own, and
be a whole lot happier, even if i'm poorer.

PS: there is something wrong with this editor, on this forum, when i type, the characters bounce around, do you
get the same problem? (had to type this elsewhere and cut and paste).

Betsy