It's a good question, and good you ask it. It would be great if more people would ask such a
question of themselves. On my part, I want to do the best i can to help others also to bring
love, peace, and healing to this unhappy, dark and violent place that currently exists on earth.

I've done the community thing, and find myself again in community and confront the reality
of not being able to bring any peace to fellow beings in my surrounding. There is so much
anger, drug use, despair, unhappiness. There is no talking in a normal way, all is intense
emotional responses of one kind or another, either outright attack or no talk at all, and
supressed feelings. There is so much talk behind the back, and it all revolves around what
other people did, it's always the fault of the outside or of others, nobody takes fault themselves
and wants to admit they could change something about themselves.

Then the trigger, any thing can set it off, and out comes the ugly personality
attacking for it's properties, whatever it perceives is threatened. I guess being here,
something rubs off and there is a slow kind of change. Yet, nobody around me is interested in
any topics that are near to my heart. I've tried a few times, and all I get is attacked, it's so
bad I don't talk anymore and find ways to not be around anyone.
I don't find that working one to one with people is the way I can be
most effective. Finding ready people is impossible, as everyone is lying. Okay, you already
know that....

So as I've said before, the way seems to be to find your own highest level of happiness,
do what feels good to you, do it with love and all your attention, then something loving will
come out of that. When you feel good, you do your best work. Share that with others, in whatever
form it takes. For me, i want to write my books, but survival needs now makes it that I have
to work too many hours and there is no time left over after.

It is time for me to make some decisions, and really see if i can't find a way to balance
what I'm doing and find some time to work on writing my books. I'm ooking for a way to work
less hours to pay the bills, and then have time left over
to write. What is clear to me today, is I have to make a decision and do something else,
as this is not creative, for me or anyone here or outside.

Where you live, how you live and with whom you live is very important, to having a happy
atmosphere, condusive to creative endeavors. If you are not in a place that's happy to live
in, then how can you be happy to take space to do creative things?
This place I currently live in is TOXIC, it is a big reason why my creativty falls off, yet i
also don't use it as an excuse.

I am walking my own path, I make my own decisions, what is my situatoin and my life today,
came from those prior decisions. Why I needed this lesson, I'm not 100% sure.
I guess because I don't yet take full power into my own hands, and still feel I need the
support of others. So positively, it's a good step, to see I can do it on my own, and
be a whole lot happier, even if i'm poorer.

PS: there is something wrong with this editor, on this forum, when i type, the characters bounce around, do you
get the same problem? (had to type this elsewhere and cut and paste).

Betsy 

Thanks for your reply.

It is nice to see how another person responds to life's challenges and situations.

I'm in a bit of a rut. I want to go out live in "ecologic/spiritual" communities.

I have this drive towards this lately, as many friends and aquaintances are talking
about this and are also driven towards it. I just last the other night met two
old friends who wanted to start one in my home-area.

I understand this type of living comes with its challenges, especially from reading what
you now, and beiyin before, have written about it. But it makes so much sense and while
I am afraid I might have too huge expectations about it, it sounds like something I need
to try. But, I am at home now, actually in the same apartment I was born into... and my family
is really there for me, I have started a new career as massage therapist, and just lack two
months of school before I am a fully qualified one ( by norwegian standards, anyway.)


Hmm... now the words have started to bounce around like you told about. I'm in an internet café and only
have money for three more minutes so I'll end it there and come back later. It seems like an issue that.

Daily life situations block higher aspirations.

Namaste
Geir