“How you see yourself is a key because that is what shapes and governs your reality. Not what other people think.”
~ Ralph Smart
Question: Is my pretending or false self a cause of a constant lying to myself or others? Sometimes I notice I don’t tell the truth for a fear of being judged. It can be as simple as a question of “where did u go today” sometimes I say the gym but I didn’t go that day it’s my guilt playing up… It’s my pretending self that I am good enough. Please help me understand how I can change this pattern.
Yes, identifying with the mind-voice or story you tell yourself, is basically a programmed pattern of response, it comes from your subconscious mind, something you learned long ago when small child on how to protect yourself. So you can see the lying as a way to avoid being judged, so it protects your ‘self-image’, how you want to see yourself. Apparently you want others to know you are working hard and doing healthy things, even when you don’t do them, so you lie to others, but also you must see it really hurts you the most, you are actually lying to yourself.
To change the pattern (program), first you become aware you have that pattern. This step you have already done, that is good work! The next is to introspect on why you have that pattern, where did you pick it up, why do you believe it helps you, how does it harm you? Really dig into it and look at it from all angles, so you should eventually arrive to the conclusion: “I don’t need this anymore, it is not helpful and it’s better to drop it.” When you truly see it that way, now you can work to erase the pattern.
In a daily happening, like you describe, you notice the automatic thought to lie about what you did versus say the truth, the pattern arises. Take a moment now, to be aware of it and to relax and think about how else you might respond. When you respond in a new way, then this will trigger new reactions, not only in you, but also in others. You are now on the path to erase this pattern of responding. You develop a new way, you learn a new way, the new replaces the old… And so it is we have many patterns of response, but don’t worry about that. After you learn how to drop an automatic response pattern, you use the same technique for the next one that comes to your attention. After some time you see patterns to the patterns, like 20 different patterns of response, are all of the same type and give the same kind of value to you. Then you get an insight about the entire collection of that type and can drop 20 different kinds of patterns at once…
It all starts with taking control by being engaged as the Witness, observing yourself and allowing a new response. With new responses you start to change, that is the beginning.
May 28, 2014