Picture shared from Native American’s Online Website
Healing Our Wounded Past
It has been a few days of confusion, as I process information that is coming from me on all sides. This morning while reflecting, that thought came to me about what I am doing right now: I am healing my past. After this I took a walk, it occurred to me that I was in fact healing my past.
It occurred to me I have a dog that looks like the dog I had the last time I had a spiritual awakening. The dog back then, Tazzy (for Tasmanian Devil), was the same color as one I have now and looked the same even with the curly tail, but she was much bigger, she was a golden chow-chow Labrador mix, with a black tongue. The one I have now is the same color and markings, but is a little Pomeranian Chihuahua mix, whom I call Foxi (for Foxy Lady, re: Jimi Hendrix). Now Tazzy was a dog not to treat as an equal, which I unknowingly did, and then let her become the dominate in the pack. As this happened, she became harder and harder to handle, going into a frenzy when we walked wanting to kill any other dog. Next I didn’t trust her around small children. I got trainers in and worked very hard to fix her, but nothing worked… Now the dog I have today, I brought with me from Florida when I returned to my home, in Madison, Wisconsin after much travel around the world. Then I started to see the same thing happening with her, she started to get aggressive with other dogs, wanting to attack them. I remembered how Tazzy changed and realized I was making her into that kind of dog. Now this I didn’t want! It took me some time to figure out how I was doing that, and eventually I saw it and healed that energy between her and me. Really, it was about ME dropping my fear and not transferring it to her. Now I have a happy dog that is normal in all respects. She doesn’t like some dogs, but most she likes. Even for her, it takes time to unlearn what she was taught. The change in her after I changed was like a miracle.
There was another parallel from back in my first awakening. I met a man and was attracted to him, and not being attracted for all the wrong reasons, I started dating him and in just a few weeks I realized he was super controlling, had major anger issues, and I quickly got out of that pairing. But then I had to deal with him stalking me for months afterwards. Now it happens that a few weeks ago I met a man and the resemblances to this other man are uncanny. They both have red hair, they are both from the South with strong accents, and they both hated their mother and are both trying to heal their relationship with their mother. At first, I only had fear and wanted to avoid this person, whose intentions and real nature I could clearly see. I did make detours on my walk, to avoid coming into contact. Now it happens I could only do that so long, and now we are in the habit of morning conversations when I allow that we meet. Yeah, we are talking about the past, about family relations, spirituality, all these kinds of things, our roots. Now I don’t know if he is ready to heal his relationship with his mother, but I see that is where he is at. I am sure this person in my life is no accident and it’s about healing the divide, which is in the process of happening. I decided to let go my fear, and see where this interaction takes us for that reason.
The other thing that comes to me is what I am doing in the last 21 years in my life. I have been on a journey to heal my past. It started when I got what I thought was *my freedom* by divorcing my husband. But the reality was that was not freedom. All my life I had been under someone’s wing of protection, some male to protect me. And when I stopped having that, then I got myself into much trouble, the first was with men. Going through the dating game in older life, I realized none of those men were what I was looking for. Then I quit dating, and started drinking, and that became my friend. I eventually became alcoholic and was driven to make the choice to stop if I wanted to survive. I chose to life and went to AA. Now having decided to let go my escape into the bottle, I was forced to confront myself. And so started the healing of the mask I wore, the false-personality or self-image. As the crying started, the mask fell away, and the spiritual awakening happening and I recognized what was underneath the true self.
The next thing that happened was the surprise, and it had to do with the history or vision that came after I awakened. It was these stories of messiah and religions coming from two different cultures that had nothing to do with my current life. One was Christian and the other was Native American. For a long time it has been a mystery where did this stuff come from? I wrote a small poem at that time spontaneously:
DNA – The wiring of my soul
containing all the past lives
that have gone before.
I will go into that later. Now in regards to the healing the next thing I did was I left my home and moved to Spain and lived there for 5 years in a spiritual community, to continue my healing. When I moved there it was a shock, because I took my baggage with me, not realizing I was doing that until I got there. What this means is when we stay in our own country, with our familiar settings, friends, career, etc, is we don’t see a lot of our mask or personae that is hidden to us. When I arrived in Falconblanco, all that which was hidden to me started becoming apparent while interacting with the others in a setting not familiar to me at all. That is why it was hard work while I was there, it was a lot of healing work in those 5 years. Now it happened at the end that another awakening came and my journey there was ended. Now I decided to return home to heal the next layer in retreat, which was the healing in my body. I did that in Reno, Nevada near my Dad whom I was estranged with for 25 years. I went there because also I wanted to heal that divide. My personal healing with self and my father went on for 3 years until my money ran out. Then I moved to Florida when my brother called and invited me to come and build a business to sell his vinyl records. Looking back on this, while there I healed two things. The first was the divide with my brother, healing that past, as we had much history together. The second was healing the belief I always needed someone to protect me. In my life, I always had a man to protect me. (As you recall, the last time I didn’t I went into the bottle.) So my building this business with my brother I learned how to empower myself to make a business. After 3 years was up, I wrote my first book, and then returned home to Madison, Wisconsin. I had the idea I would return here because when I left for Spain I abandoned my sons, my family and friends, I left all to go. I felt I needed to heal my heart. Also I felt I needed to be alone, to make another business all by myself, to stand on my own two feet.
I was 3 years in Reno, then 3 years in Florida and now back to the present, yes, that’s why I’m here in Madison, today I am back to where I started and am healing my past. It is like a backward walk through time and the 3 years are coming to a close and I can see the things I’m healing are wrapping up. I have my business established, I am independent from needing someone to protect me or give me money and am ready to let my business go. I don’t need it anymore. I have also had enough retreat time so I am reading to come out of isolation and meet other kindred-spirits; I’ve made a date to do so next week to go to a meetup in person. (I’ve been wanting to do that for years, to network.) Then walking today it occurs to me that when I went to Spain those hidden things got healed, and now it works in the same reverse way! I’ve been away from home for 12 years, and now when I return those things which I did not yet heal not become visible through Foxi and the man I just met. I understand these two things now are deep-seated fears I’ve had for many, many years, not just from this lifetime, but are habit fear energies about good and bad that come from my many past lives. I could only see those by returning back to my home or roots.
Only today, I understand what this is about. I received two sets of ‘inherited’ visions because my biological parents had different predominant energies that came from two different cultures. Those memories and stories come from the DNA itself! The interpretation of all that information I understand comes from me and is based on the hopes of my ancestors, which is the same for all of us: to awaken and what is the best way to do it? The other thing I realize about my two visions is that they are in exact contrast with each other. The Christian one I see represents the past as singular enlightened individual (the Christ) or old world view like the 1st coming and the Native American represents the hope for the future where everyone enlightens and we all come back together as ONE which I see as the 2nd coming. The other thing is every time these old memories come back to mind (this has happened several times in the last years) it sends me into the world of Good and Bad and Light vs. Dark. This creates a conflict when these memories overcome me, because then I see evil and good in everything. It is only recently that I am able to look from both points of view because I was forced to choose sides after I contacted people with opposing visions. How could I choose sides, I see the good in both! Here is the funny thing about it. The Christian view sees their side as good and other as bad and the other view is just exactly vice-versa. Now which is good and which is bad? As I see it, neither is like that, they are actually the same viewpoint, just they seem good or bad because of the long cultural and religious viewpoint these sides have always had. Basically, we grew up that way.
Then I understand where I am at today, I am working to heal OUR past, not just my past. How I see it is over the long period of time, humanity has been awakening and every now and then, say every 1,000 years of so a few enlightened beings appear in different cultures and parts of the world. These people then must find themselves extremely alone in a world of blinded or unawake people. It is natural then they feel responsible to do something and take on the role to help others and do something like give a teaching others can follow to help them also awaken. Practically, is it like, okay, here is what I did to awaken, this is what I learned, and if you do that and study what I learned then you can get that result too. Thus, the various world religions and followers of that religion are formed and enlightened ones continue to appear over time from those who do the most personal work to enlighten themselves or do what is said in the teachings. So then I see all these religious cultural visions result because we have all been separated from each other since mankind started to enlighten. Over time we align to our own cultural vision, and this is then that behavior – separated groups or group belief – that causes increasing divide of ourselves over time. Then it gets to the point where more people awaken as we approach 2nd coming, and it is naturally that people want to be the messiah the hope for their culture. Thus they align with their vision and try to manifest it, because they want to help others awaken and do it the best way they know which came from all their past history. What we need to see is these cultural or religious visions result because of our separation from each other ‘spiritually’ as we have been walking alone or in our separated worlds ever since our history as men began. Now the rare thing happens today because so many are awakening, that our separated selves that were split apart so long ago, can now come together and heal our pasts, merging it into one vision for the future. A united vision, bringing our parts back together as ONE whole on the planet earth, based on love for our brother. Understanding the truth that is in all religions: to love one’s brother (or sister) as oneself.
The truth is we’ve been separated a long, long, time and there is much pain inflicted on every person because of that separation, all the wars and battle between good and evil and my view versus your view, and which is right. In fact as people awaken today that huge hidden wounded past that all of us carry is going to become starkly apparent in the world, as each awakening person starts to see the good and evil, and thinking only their view is the right one. By keeping those views themselves, that is what will create the Armageddon or religious war that everyone also feels is unavoidable. Each person sees its about getting salvation for their culture, their religion, to finally get what is due them given all the suffering they have been through. They are willing to fight to the death and give up their life to save the life of all their brethren. Because they know that when you die, then life is given, the same as what Christ did on the cross. Now here is the seriously thing, this does not have to happen! It can be avoided when we give up our separated viewpoint, and merge with the other viewpoints understanding that we all want the same thing.
Now this can perhaps be easier to do when you understand some things. I’ve been investigating two religions which appear to be complete opposites of each other which are Christian and Indian. Without going into all the details, what I can see so far is the main characters that appear in the bible all appear in Indian history as well. It only takes a bit of research to find out parallels between major icons in both religions which are uncanny. In the bible, the Indian side is seen as the evil ones and in the Hindu history their characters are seen as the good ones and the Christina ones the evil ones. Hahahaha.
Of course isolated people attached to their roles and vision, will only believe their side is correct. But if you look deep into the spiritual meaning of either scripture, you will see that God loves both sides, in fact God created both sides. Really, how I see it is God just separated them (as in Tower of Babel, when the languages were confounded), to help each other grow in different ways, which is an advanced topic.
Now let’s also look at India. It is interesting fact that in past the Europeans in their expansion exploited the Indian people, and inflicted much pain on that culture. So there is a big wound that needs to be healed. The next thing the Europeans did was expand into the Americas and when they arrived there and saw the natives they mistook them for people from India and called them Indians. And the Europeans did even more wounding to the American Indians, the tragedy of that history is for sure a huge wound. I thought about this today, how the America holds this huge wound, not only of the wounding they did to others to get here, and all the exploitation and killing of those weaker than itself, but also that America has a huge population of wounded beings. It is not just the few Native Americans that are left in small tribes in America, the entire population of Latinos are Native American, they are just the southern portion. Latinos are southern Native Americans! It is projected that the Latino population in the USA will become the majority in a just a few years. I was happy to realize that today, that American is about an equal mix of those that inflicted much harm on other sin the past but also those that received it. The last thing I thought about was, oh yeah, now the Mayans, they are Native Americans, and they now about the precession of the equinoxes, that idea came from them. Which is becoming apparent, many people all over the world are becoming aware of this inevitable planetary shake up this will cause. So then wanting to survive this strong force, is what should bring us together and coming together – the first thing we have to do is heal our pasts due to our long separation from each other over these thousands of years. And that starts by having a conversation and coming into common alignment with a collective vision of Oneness where nobody or one culture is set aside as being at the top of the pyramid. The second coming is about all of us awakening, not like in the past with a singular person arising and moving the masses. It is about Coming Together in every sense of the word. It is about healing all the parts of our body.
Today I understand the path I’ve been walking these last 21 years to heal myself, understanding that I could only be a true healer if I healed myself first. The last healing near to completion is healing the past lives themselves, all this old history that has kept me in separation from all my brothers and sisters. This means I am not about taking any cultural viewpoint sides, I see the good in every being as we all have the spark inside of the One Creator. My mission is working for Unity of All.
July 16, 2014