Can You Watch Your Own Thinking or Not?

Comment: It’s a good article (All is vibration), but I have one question, because I’m getting my head around it, and your article came by “coincidence” into my view. You said: “One can t really watch one’s thinking, because when one is thinking then one’s awareness is totally withdrawn and one has become the thinker”. Why do you say that? I mean, it’s ok, logical, but if I can observe my body while it happens, and my emotions while they happen, why not thoughts too? I said to myself it’s because I’m not focused enough that I cannot see the thought happening before my eyes while it happens. But I’m open to see your version if you have more to say about it.

Betsy: Good question! Awareness is the source, being the source it has no properties. When one is fully alert there is no thinking. This is pure observation. Focal points in meditation are most effective when they don’t need your help ‘to think about it’, simply gazing at an object or feeling one’s breathing happening by itself are good focal points. Even so, people will meditate, ‘observing’ their breath, and they say to themselves, I’m breathing in, I’m breathing out, watch my breath, focus back, etc., they chatter the whole time, if they even can remember to do that much. Thought is such a high frequency that it’s hard to detect you are even doing this chatter all the time. I spend years doing meditation thinking I was quiet, then finally was able to see I was not as quiet as I thought. A few months after this observation was when I was able to keenly see thinking start up and try different focal points until I ‘fell asleep’ totally, into silent oblivion. One observes oneself falling asleep as the ego shuts up entirely, which is scary the first times it happens like that.  When one reaches this happening, then it keeps repeating and it becomes normal that the whole hour meditation passes in what seems to be only a few minutes. Then you know what is full awareness. Later you observe clearly the difference between activated ego and activated awareness during waking hours and know they are mutually exclusive states, it’s one or the other.

Once the thinking starts, then no longer fully alert, attention is drawn within to self-reflection mode (that’s why you can get blind if you get sucked into this too much), that is what is manifest in that moment — another word for it ‘activated personality’. If there is also a strong emotional charge, then it’s strongly activated personality. It’s like turning around in a dream world then, like emoting. One can’t observe when like that because one is totally sucked into another world, the source is buried because it’s the energy being used to create this phenomena.

In either case, the truth is: IT”S ALL YOU…

Thought is symptom of ‘internal chatter’, one is talking to oneself, mulling something over, asking questions, or engaging in a story of one’s own making (totally lost). When one is just feeling what’s happening such as vibration in body, then this doesn’t need thinking. Mostly when you observe your emotions or thinking happening, this observation is taking place ‘past tense’, not in real time. You are in reflection mode, retrieving memories, using logic, etc, and this is mostly done by recalling what just happened. Then also you observe, you are thinking heavily and ego is activated, and alert awareness is no more. One could easily walk up quietly upon you and go ‘boo’ and you would jump, because your attention was withdrawn into mind. While fully aware you feel and see things instantaneously and direct, it’s never past tense.

Logic can never figure this out, because using logic is ‘past tense’ state, there is no ‘new source’ (inspiration) element in logic. You churn around what you think you already know internally. Logic is best used to form a question, which is what you did by writing. Anyway, I can’t convince you of anything with my words nor do I want to. This is one you have to see for yourself to know it’s true.

Comment: Thank you for explanation and details. I understand everything you say, from my own experience.  Everything you said fits with what I saw. There are maybe some differences about the practice. I’m giving as much as I can to improve, but I don’t know how much relatively to you. I guess it doesn’t matter. The essential things are the same => if there are errors in my perception of what you say, they are quite little.

Betsy: Truth is recognized

Comment: It’s good to see other people trying to do what you try to do. It’s like you meet “your kind”.

Betsy : I hear you, few and far between

Comment: My little annoying thing is the word “total”… total involvement in mind/ego/’past tense’ etc… either or.. either full awareness or involvement… Because I believe it’s possible to see and create in the same time. To not be involved totally with your results, but being more involved with observing you while creating , and then see the results with peripheral vision, if I could say it like this.

There is never a need to chatter when fully aware, it’s just pure silence observing, you are doing, you are being, you are intensely alive. You don’t need to ‘talk internally’ to SEE what you’re doing. One must have taken the step to have seen for oneself -> directly that SEEING is never happening while mind is active, in fact it creates a blindness to SEE, one’s attention is turned into one’s internal world of mind. This is an advanced step, and even I thought I had done it because it’s easy to intellectually understand, before I had actually done it / seen it direct. Few today have completed this step. Sometimes a poem can help, I wrote this poem which addresses this step.

To understand this further, take for instance a race car driver, going at super fast speed with other cars around, they are not thinking at all, they are pure focus, if they lose pure focus for a moment, such as getting distracted thinking, they crash, it is life threatening. The same for a rock climber – while in scaling / climbing mode – they are not thinking things over, it’s pure being in the moment, and doing, and reacting to what they are sensing. This is the attraction of these sports, to feel oneself as intense aliveness, so they do it to get that rush feeling. They don’t know ‘intense aliveness’ can be achieved in other ways no matter the setting — simply by being ‘quiet’. So they get addicted to their sport.

Comment: Everything you say (it’s really nice that you talk from your own experience mostly) it’s true from my point of view.

Betsy: You can easily state this, that it’s true from your point of view, but it is exactly your point of view and my point of view that prevents us from connecting ‘at source. I don’t know what you are really receiving as your point of view, until you say more and I can zoom in on what it is. As far as I know I talk from my own experience wholly, at least what I’ve expressed to you so far.

Comment: I just asked because I’m not sure if it’s possible to stay aware and create, but remain aware, and not go too far into results, to avoid identification with results. I really believe it’s true and possible to remain detached, just that it’s a mastery few humans achieve. Maybe because of laziness and weaknesses, because from my point of view everyone can do it, if one chooses to.

Betsy: Because of laziness, weakness and addiction to the old habit. I agree, everyone can choose to do it, and the more you practice, the better you get at it. Now I go into ‘my current theory’. I believe the current structure of brain is built for self-reflection, re: ego mind, and it is a preliminary structure to get us to recognize our true nature. This means it’s a beneficial structure, intended for that purpose. After having recognized one’s true self, then energy explodes, one wakes up, all kinds of charismas happen, then this is the start of the building of a new brain, basically eliminating all the parts that make ‘self-reflection’ or internal chatter possible. This structure in brain is no longer needed, so latent DNA switches get turned on, to make a new structure in brain / wiring and remove the old. This moves towards creating a new human where instantaneous adaptation and reaction to environment, such as is achieved by the race car driver with intense focus, is normal operation. One never forgets what one saw – the real self… At exactly this moment, the old personality structure starts to break down and the new awareness body starts to unfold, the insitu-metamorphosis in body is happening. The new is being built from the old. This goes on at a rate that is dependent upon how much one works with it. If one stops working with it, it basically stalls. Now it happens, that this process of ‘growing a new brain’, happens most efficiently when one practices ‘not using the brain’, re: one is aware or in quiet mind meditative state. The brain can only be reorganized when it’s not being used! It is my key phrase: ‘Healing happens when you sleep’, the subject & title of the book I am writing. On my part, I have to still focus and work at it but it’s much easier than in the past.

Comment: If what I believe is possible, then we can easily see the starting and happening of thoughts real time, and influence their flux, sustain them or not. In a word, being the master over mind.

Betsy: I don’t have any big disagreement with this, it’s basically correct as I understand it. It’s just the ‘real time’ aspect, I don’t think it’s real time, it’s rather we realize it past tense, but there can be just a second in between. With higher levels of awareness you can more keenly observe yourself and see how you are using your energy and shift focus when you want, thinking or not. And I agree that’s mastery over mind. But this leaves the question, not all people are equally aware, so why with higher level awareness can one more readily see what is happening with energy use?

Then it might be you have a belief, and you want confirmation for it, pure awareness has no such need for confirming such a theory. You remind me of myself years ago, you are very intelligent, like a philosopher, and love to ponder these things. No blame, it’s a good base, but also difficult to let go of ‘your precious intelligence’… A big bonus and a big block at same time… Problem is, you can go over and over and over this, and look at from all angles, but you will never get the answer this way. This answer will only come from quiet. So pose it, but just sit in mediation and wait for the answer to arrive, it doesn’t need you to figure it out… Talking back and forth here, even if someone were to know the truth ( might I know? You are not sure, right? Okay… ) will never resolve this for you. You don’t know whom might know, as you reach higher levels, you rarely meet someone who can answer your more difficult questions. You trust yourself more than others, that is good. Yet, there is nothing ‘new’ in that. Your thinking doesn’t know the answer, because you don’t know the answer, because it’s unknown to you. Now you reach the point, where you have to get the answer direct from source, set your intention: pose your question, sit in meditation, now tell yourself you don’t have to think about it to keep you intention/question ‘in focus’. Just trust you’ve established it by voicing it, then let go of all thinking. Keep doing this until you get your answer out of source from quiet intuition – it will leap into sight, and you will go AHA, I get it!

Comment: Buddha and enlightened humans can do it from my point of view. This is what I wanted to check. Because I could be wrong and believe non sense stuff.

Betsy: You can’t ‘grok’ the capabilities you don’t have. This becomes a silly argument…

Comment: And one thing more from my experience. There were many times when in meditation it was like… getting my head into the “waters of thoughts” and seeing colors, thoughts (audio), video, etc (mind stuff)… and then getting my head out of the “waters of thoughts”, and see their buzz and noise, like electric current or something, pure movement and just movement inside my head. Then if I entered again in thoughts, in noises, in their movement, “the water”, again stories appeared, sounds images, associations etc.

Betsy: Thoughts don’t happen by themselves, it’s you using energy to think, you are thinking. Any thing you see or observe triggers ‘thinking’. If you are aware enough, then you notice the reactive thinking has started, and you set it aside. What you describe here is keen observation, but still shifting in and out of focus. Observe thinking more closely, one thought triggers another, images flash from memory, it is just like dreaming, you weave together a story connecting all the dots. The buzz/noise/electric current happens as a side-effect of being in no-mind state, when mind goes totally quiet for a second, then the mind changes, it’s the kundalini transformation thing happening. I’ve observed 1000’s of hours of these kinds of symptoms. Even memories can be provoked as side-effect symptom of Kundalini transformation, as the pathways and memories in brain are being reorganized to be more efficient. It is why dreaming happens at night, after mind has went quiet, it’s a reorganization. And there you are observing it or getting involved in it, whatever. But you are not that.

Comment: Anyway, thank you, and if you have something to add, I’m waiting. And one more question:) I’m curious how you see this. When I’m positive and energetic(high vibration) (especially when far away from sex and staying up too late in the night) I’ve seen it’s quite effortless to see around me the creation of everything I need, even if I don’t know what I need, the needs start to flower. But when I’m low in vibration, negative emotions or even neutral state of mind, it’s a struggle, and results come after some or big effort, if they come. So this means that creation of our potential, manifestation of our choices, it’s easier when high in vibration? So “being high” it’s a requirement for effortless creation? And by effortless creation I mean flowing with the flow, and supervise attentively, when all around you is a field of something that protects you and grows your needs, flowers your seeds/potential.

Betsy : Being low one is in the state of living in the past, there is nothing ‘new’ in that, it’s a defensive mode, one of fighting to keep the old self alive, while ‘doing that’, no new energy or love can enter into the picture. You keep love at bay, you keep spirit squashed down, it’s a situation of eating oneself alive, or ‘dog-eat-dog’, what you see all around the world today. Everyone fighting to survive, to keep their ‘self-image’ intact, and arguing with everyone and everything to do it.

Being high, one has let go of all the past, only important is what is happening right now, there is no need to cling to anything. One is quiet, observing, and sees far and wide and things one would not have seen while low. Because when low one is blind, the bubble view, the dreamer mode, etc. When one is present one is one with all that is, there is no limit.

Okay, this is truth, but I can’t tell you I live the latter the best of my ability, I tend to still like to fight and struggle a bit, so regress at times. It’s a good reminder, that when it seems like one is struggling, or things are too hard, it’s a clear sign one is ‘activated too much as personality’, and to just breath deep and let it all go.

October 3, 2010

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